Unhappiness

Whew, lots going on here. Things with Cali are going well. I don't think I've blogged much about our relationship, partly due to time constraints and partly because I hadn't thought to do so. We had been chatting sort of hit or miss for a couple weeks and while I was really enjoying our contact I was always left feeling like he didn't have the time for me or that I was putting more into this than he was. So I decided to step back. No email, no text, no voice mail, nothing. I sent him one last voice mail to let him know that I was not blowing him off or trying to avoid him but that I wasn't quite sure where his head (or heart?) was in this situation and I felt that I needed to step back to reassess and quite honestly let him begin to pursue for once. I told him that I wasn't looking for some grand gesture but that I needed to know that he wanted this as much as I did, and if not, knowing that he didn't would be ok too. Just needed to know where we were so to speak. Told him I wouldn't be texting, calling, etc., and if he did want to pursue this, he was free to do so. That was a Sunday afternoon. On Monday morning I got a text asking if I was able to talk. :) We talked that afternoon and he reassured me that he was in fact interested and that due to some unforseen circumstances of late he had been unable to put in more effort but he assured me that would change. Holy cow, that boy wasn't kidding when he said it would be better. hehe He's texted or called every single day since. I'm really enjoying the chance to get to know him. He's a very gentle soul with a huge heart and best of all he thinks I'm awesome and incredibly funny. What more could a girl ask for?

Things with the husband are pretty much the same. We had a discussion last night about a variety of issues and I finally came out and told him that I wasn't happy. I told him that I don't want to just walk away from the marriage, we owe it to Bug to give it one last shot. I want to be able to tell my son when he's older that I did everything in my power to make the relationship work. We've already tried the counseling thing twice with two different therapists, maybe 3rd time is the charm? I told him to find a counselor since it would have to be done through his insurance and under his name. We shall see if he makes the effort. I won't hold out much hope since he never manages to follow through on anything.

This evening we had a huge blowup. He threw a temper tantrum and slammed the door right in front of Bug. Yeah way to go buddy! He was yelling at me and raising his voice right in front of Bug and I refused to buy into the drama, so I ignored him and told him I wasn't to do this in front of Bug. He got pissed off and slammed the door. Whatever, he needs to grow the hell up.