Yeah Affairs Suck

That about says it all. I know that I signed onto this ride when I accepted the first phone call from Cali but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I know he's married, as I am. But I just don't understand the dynamics. He claims that their relationship is predominantly roommates, they don't share much anything else other than things with the kids. But then he gets defensive about certain things as if there is more. We were talking about me making a trip to see him and he mentioned a certain date that was over a holiday. I asked him if he'd be able to get away and he immediately said, "Well no, I can't be gone for that holiday". It's not a big family holiday so the only thing I can deduce is that he's worried about her feelings over that holiday. So that strikes the whole, if they aren't getting along why is he afraid of hurting her feelings but not mine? Blech I don't like it much at all. I know that I chose this and I was the one who decided to let him call me and allowed the relationship to get to this point so technically I have to either suck it up or walk away...but it still SUCKS!!

We've had some really great talks lately and I've never felt closer to him than during this time. So in that respect things are fabulous. He'll be here in less than 6 weeks and I'm really looking forward to seeing him and just being in the same room with him. I need to hold onto the positives of our relationship and not focus on the junk otherwise it'll make me crazy.

Ok that's enough...I need to make my mind shut down. More later