A little bit stronger...a little bit better
Yesterday wasn't a great day by any stretch but it was better than the past couple of days. I had an appt. with my counselor in the morning. We talked about the possibility that I am dealing with depression. We are both thinking now that I originally started dealing with PPD after Bug's birth and since it was never diagnosed or treated, it's just continued on. I tend to agree with that in hindsight. S did give me a recommendation for a psychiatrist so after I left her office, I stopped at their office and made an appt. Can't get in for a month but at least I am scheduled. Went to my drs. appt. and talked to my doc about the depression. He's prescribed something for me to start now figuring that it probably won't really start to show any significant change for 3-4 weeks which puts me right around the time of my first appt. with the psych. So I'm slowly on my way. I was also able to get some looming potential health issues settled which has relieved some of the internal stress I was dealing with.
JD and I had our counseling appt. last night and we talked at length about the situation and my potential depression. Our counselor was extremely supportive of me and even said that the separation/time apart would be a great choice right now. As my personal counselor said as well, I need to get my head straight for myself before I can continue to work on the marriage or relationship. The counselor actually suggested that we put the whole couples counseling thing on hold for the time being as she felt that it's just one more thing to add to my already overflowing plate. She's kept the door open for us to come back or even just to call her if need be. I was grateful that she suggested and offered that. I think that JD finally saw the light however, he's treating me like some fragile mentally imbalanced person. Every time I express mild frustration with Bug (he's 4...that happens every other minute! LOL) he immediately feels he has to step in and "calm" me down. I keep telling him that I'm depressed, not violent or angry. I love my son very much, he's literally what keeps me going on many days. Now that we've set some ground rules I feel as if a weight has been lifted. We're going to take the separation/time apart slowly to make sure it isn't too disruptive to Bug. I'm relieved.
Talked to Cali a couple of times yesterday. He's really feeling pretty miserable and I wish I could do something to help him. He asked me how my day had been and I ended up unloaded all the JD crap on him and then immediately felt badly. While I know he wants to know what's going on with me, he has enough on his plate and can't really do anything to actively help me. I did apologize to him later for ranting on and on and he, in usual Cali fashion, brushed it off and told me that I was doing nothing even remotely close to ranting. He assured me that it was ok and to vent anytime. ::sigh:: That's why I'm crazy about this man. Our conversation was really nice...we talked about a variety of things, future plans, our families, etc. It felt good to be able to reconnect with him at that level. I do miss him so. It was a week ago today that we spent our last day together. Such wonderful memories and feelings. I simply cannot wait to be with him again. In many ways he tends to ground me more than anyone else can. Being away from him makes me feel as if I'm sort of out there floundering alone. No real direction on some levels.
Today is going to be a lazy day. I'm going to try to get some things taken care of around the house, laundry and such, but otherwise nothing of substance. I do need to get back to the gym but today isn't the day. Maybe tomorrow. I do have an appt. to get my nails done tomorrow, so hopefully that will help a bit.
More later maybe.
JD and I had our counseling appt. last night and we talked at length about the situation and my potential depression. Our counselor was extremely supportive of me and even said that the separation/time apart would be a great choice right now. As my personal counselor said as well, I need to get my head straight for myself before I can continue to work on the marriage or relationship. The counselor actually suggested that we put the whole couples counseling thing on hold for the time being as she felt that it's just one more thing to add to my already overflowing plate. She's kept the door open for us to come back or even just to call her if need be. I was grateful that she suggested and offered that. I think that JD finally saw the light however, he's treating me like some fragile mentally imbalanced person. Every time I express mild frustration with Bug (he's 4...that happens every other minute! LOL) he immediately feels he has to step in and "calm" me down. I keep telling him that I'm depressed, not violent or angry. I love my son very much, he's literally what keeps me going on many days. Now that we've set some ground rules I feel as if a weight has been lifted. We're going to take the separation/time apart slowly to make sure it isn't too disruptive to Bug. I'm relieved.
Talked to Cali a couple of times yesterday. He's really feeling pretty miserable and I wish I could do something to help him. He asked me how my day had been and I ended up unloaded all the JD crap on him and then immediately felt badly. While I know he wants to know what's going on with me, he has enough on his plate and can't really do anything to actively help me. I did apologize to him later for ranting on and on and he, in usual Cali fashion, brushed it off and told me that I was doing nothing even remotely close to ranting. He assured me that it was ok and to vent anytime. ::sigh:: That's why I'm crazy about this man. Our conversation was really nice...we talked about a variety of things, future plans, our families, etc. It felt good to be able to reconnect with him at that level. I do miss him so. It was a week ago today that we spent our last day together. Such wonderful memories and feelings. I simply cannot wait to be with him again. In many ways he tends to ground me more than anyone else can. Being away from him makes me feel as if I'm sort of out there floundering alone. No real direction on some levels.
Today is going to be a lazy day. I'm going to try to get some things taken care of around the house, laundry and such, but otherwise nothing of substance. I do need to get back to the gym but today isn't the day. Maybe tomorrow. I do have an appt. to get my nails done tomorrow, so hopefully that will help a bit.
More later maybe.
No comments:
Post a Comment