This damn rollercoaster

Is making me sick to my stomach. Things are a little better tonight. I talked to Cali earlier and got things settled. I knew that things were a-ok when I answered the phone and in his most adorable, sexy voice he said, "Hi Sweetie. How are you?" That's my Cali. It's my imagination again. I think he's been preoccupied with work and home stuff, lots of stress on the homefront...and when he's stressed with things he tends to pull back into his shell. I asked him if we were ok and he was surprised that I was even questioning it. We talked briefly about my feelings, I hate to burden him with the drama knowing all that he has on his plate as it is. I know it's frustrating for him to see that I'm having a tough time when he's so far away. So we talked a bit about it and then talked about the rest of this week. We also talked about his trip here in June. I told him that I can't wait to show him around my area, even though he's been to my area before...he's never seen it with ME!! He also informed me that there is only a 10% chance that he'll actually have to do any work when he's here, which would mean 3+ entire days together with no other obligations. WOOHOO!!

He's sick now, which I'm afraid he most probably caught from me. :( I hope he starts to feel better soon. He said he'd call me in the morning once he's up and out.

JD came home tonight acting like a 2 yr. old. He kept making *secretive* phone calls but he'd do it in front of me. I guess he was trying to make me jealous or something. We began to talk about the logistics of separating and he decided to play the "breadwinner" card and inform me that since I haven't *contributed* to the household financially in 3+ yrs. that he would not be leaving the house because in his mind, it's his. Then I informed him that his little stubbornness would mean that Bug would have to leave the only home he's known and would also mean that I'd have to pull him from his school program since I couldn't afford to stay in this area. I told him that if he thought Bug would be staying with him, he had a few life lessons to learn. Magically he started to see things differently and wanted to *discuss* the options. I have no intention of keeping Bug from him, but I also have no intention of leaving Bug here with him...no way in hell. So at this point he offered to start sleeping in Bug's room and Bug will sleep with me. For the time being it is ok, but I cannot see us being *separated* in this manner on a long term basis. Just won't work.

So that's how we left it. I have a counseling appt. in the am and we have a couples counseling appt. tomorrow night. Should be an interesting evening.