Just a quick drive-by...
I'm heading out to take Bug to the sitters and run some errands as well as go for a walk, but I wanted to post a quick note.
We had a busy weekend, spent much of it outside. Bug got his first *big boy bike* so of course he wanted to practice riding it every second of every day. When did my BABY get big enough to ride a bike??? Life is just flying by!
Much of the weekend was spent with JD but we managed to get along ok with minimal drama and crap. I was pleasantly surprised. It's times like that when I start to second guess and think that maybe ending this marriage is the wrong decision. I just don't know sometimes. I want to do what's best for me and for Bug but I'm not 100% sure I know what that is just yet. I looked at him this weekend when we were out with Bug and sadly I felt nothing. I tried...I tried to see what I saw in him when we first met and got married...but I'm afraid it's not there any longer. Only time will tell.
Didn't hear much from Cali over the weekend, with the exception of a couple texts in the evening yesterday. I was so busy all weekend that while I did think about him I wasn't really feeling too bad. I missed him, sure, but not that longing emptiness that I tend to have when we have no contact for an extended period of time. I have noticed that our contact over the weekends has been reduced. Previously it seemed that we would manage to get at least one really quick phone call, even if it was only for a couple minutes. That's not happening any longer and I don't know if it's just the time of year or if he's just not making that effort any longer. Of course my paranoia and the insecurity of a long distance relationship makes me worry that he's not as invested as he once was, but then I get a sweet text message and I realize that he is trying...things just happen. Long distance really messes with my mind...
Well gotta run, time to head out for a nice long walk. More later maybe
We had a busy weekend, spent much of it outside. Bug got his first *big boy bike* so of course he wanted to practice riding it every second of every day. When did my BABY get big enough to ride a bike??? Life is just flying by!
Much of the weekend was spent with JD but we managed to get along ok with minimal drama and crap. I was pleasantly surprised. It's times like that when I start to second guess and think that maybe ending this marriage is the wrong decision. I just don't know sometimes. I want to do what's best for me and for Bug but I'm not 100% sure I know what that is just yet. I looked at him this weekend when we were out with Bug and sadly I felt nothing. I tried...I tried to see what I saw in him when we first met and got married...but I'm afraid it's not there any longer. Only time will tell.
Didn't hear much from Cali over the weekend, with the exception of a couple texts in the evening yesterday. I was so busy all weekend that while I did think about him I wasn't really feeling too bad. I missed him, sure, but not that longing emptiness that I tend to have when we have no contact for an extended period of time. I have noticed that our contact over the weekends has been reduced. Previously it seemed that we would manage to get at least one really quick phone call, even if it was only for a couple minutes. That's not happening any longer and I don't know if it's just the time of year or if he's just not making that effort any longer. Of course my paranoia and the insecurity of a long distance relationship makes me worry that he's not as invested as he once was, but then I get a sweet text message and I realize that he is trying...things just happen. Long distance really messes with my mind...
Well gotta run, time to head out for a nice long walk. More later maybe
2 comments:
Long distance is incredibly hard. Silences get misinterpreted. We don't feel like someone's priority and it's like being rejected. Noone responds well to that.
All you can do is love unconditionally and let it happen.
"Love is like a butterfly. Hold it too tight, you'll crush it. Hold it too loose, it'll fly away."
You hit the nail on the head, Fiona. I'm trying very hard to just love...
Love that quote...oh so true!
Drama
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