A disclaimer
I felt the need to post a bit of a disclaimer...
This blog is mine. It's my place to vent and write about what is going through my mind and happening in my life. Nobody that reads this blog knows 100% of what is happening in my life...what my marriage to JD has been like, what I deal with on a daily basis, or where I'm coming from completely. This is merely a snapshot of my life, what I feel comfortable sharing. I started this blog for ME, never expecting anyone else to read it or even be interested. That purpose has not changed. I didn't create this blog to make friends or impress anyone...nor did I do it expecting to gain approval. The fact that I have gotten to know some amazing people who have become somewhat of a support system is just a tremendous bonus.
I make no excuses for my relationship with Cali, was it the best choice? Absolutely not. Would I do it again if given the opportunity? I don't know. I've learned a LOT about myself but I don't know if I could do it again. Do I feel guilty or bad about deciding to separate from JD? As far as Bug is concerned, yes I do because I worry that I'm failing him in some way...but as far as myself no. We've been through countless therapists in our marriage and the same thing happens. NOTHING. It gets better for a short time and then it's back to where we started. When am I allowed to say ENOUGH...I've done all I can and this is just not working? Do I feel bad or guilty that I have chosen to date even though I'm *only separated*...nope. Our marriage has been over in many ways for a long time. I'm not running off to meet someone in the hopes of remarriage or anything even remotely close. As my counselor said to me, dating if approached the right way, is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and where you want to be. I'm learning an awful lot every day and it feels really good. It's making me a much stronger person, that's for sure.
I've gone off in the wrong direction....I did not intend to make this a post defending my right to do what I am doing. I just wanted to clarify that what I write here is for me...and while I realize that by making this a public blog I open myself up for judgment and criticism. If you don't like what you read...don't visit. It's that simple. And finally...the only thing that comes to mind is the old saying '...Until you've walked a mile in my shoes....'
I think I need to consider this blog a little more. I won't be taking it down completely but I am seriously thinking about making it a private blog....by invitation only. I'll probably make a decision within the next week. More later...
This blog is mine. It's my place to vent and write about what is going through my mind and happening in my life. Nobody that reads this blog knows 100% of what is happening in my life...what my marriage to JD has been like, what I deal with on a daily basis, or where I'm coming from completely. This is merely a snapshot of my life, what I feel comfortable sharing. I started this blog for ME, never expecting anyone else to read it or even be interested. That purpose has not changed. I didn't create this blog to make friends or impress anyone...nor did I do it expecting to gain approval. The fact that I have gotten to know some amazing people who have become somewhat of a support system is just a tremendous bonus.
I make no excuses for my relationship with Cali, was it the best choice? Absolutely not. Would I do it again if given the opportunity? I don't know. I've learned a LOT about myself but I don't know if I could do it again. Do I feel guilty or bad about deciding to separate from JD? As far as Bug is concerned, yes I do because I worry that I'm failing him in some way...but as far as myself no. We've been through countless therapists in our marriage and the same thing happens. NOTHING. It gets better for a short time and then it's back to where we started. When am I allowed to say ENOUGH...I've done all I can and this is just not working? Do I feel bad or guilty that I have chosen to date even though I'm *only separated*...nope. Our marriage has been over in many ways for a long time. I'm not running off to meet someone in the hopes of remarriage or anything even remotely close. As my counselor said to me, dating if approached the right way, is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and where you want to be. I'm learning an awful lot every day and it feels really good. It's making me a much stronger person, that's for sure.
I've gone off in the wrong direction....I did not intend to make this a post defending my right to do what I am doing. I just wanted to clarify that what I write here is for me...and while I realize that by making this a public blog I open myself up for judgment and criticism. If you don't like what you read...don't visit. It's that simple. And finally...the only thing that comes to mind is the old saying '...Until you've walked a mile in my shoes....'
I think I need to consider this blog a little more. I won't be taking it down completely but I am seriously thinking about making it a private blog....by invitation only. I'll probably make a decision within the next week. More later...
5 comments:
I completely understand what you are saying. There are some people who seem to feel it is somehow their duty to judgmentally critique others. Like you I started blogging just for me, trying to throw some of my ugliest thoughts out there for a couple of reasons, one being to put them somewhere to hopefully allow me to unclutter my head and the second to give me a way to really examine them and see what I could learn from those thoughts.
Somewhere I, like you, picked up readers. While I value readers' comments they are not always really welcome. Sometimes people get hurtful in cyberspace because they don't really "get" that there is a human being with real feelings on the other end. Anyway, it is tough sometimes to know how to handle it. I've chosen to leave my blog open mostly because I don't want to limit myself to the rah rah supportive commenters. Occasionally I need the perspective that comes from having the self-righteous dogooders comment.
Sorry rambling here, and all about me. Anyway, hope this helps bring things into perspective. If you do go private, can I still read your blog? Pretty please?
;-)
Thank you for that, TS. Yes it does help and you hit the nail on the head. At first I thought that it was silly to have a blog...but then it became somewhat therapeutic for me...a way as you said, to unclutter my head and in the process learn from what was in my mind. I never did it to gain popularity or approval from anyone.
And if I go private you will most DEFINITELY be invited. ;)
Drama
I went private a while back and haven't regretted it. I was worried at first about not being able to attract new readers, but I put up the "gateway" blog for people to request access to the private blog, and I've had no trouble getting people who wanted to read me. They'll probably discover you the same way I did - saw your comments somewhere, clicked through to the link, and from there to the blog.
If you have any questions about the whole changeover thing, I'd be happy to help.
Thanks Matt. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do but since I really never expected to have a *following* I'm not as concerned about gaining readers as I am having a place to put my thoughts without repercussion.
Drama
If you want to go totally without repercussions, then do like MikeDoe does on his blog - turn off the comments. Then you can type away blissfully unaware of what anyone thinks about your musings!
(You would, however, miss out on my occasional two cents' worth... ;)
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