Good Riddance 2007...Don't let the door hit ya on the way out.!!

I am extremely thrilled to see 2007 coming to a close and looking so forward to the potential that 2008 has to offer. For me 2007 has been a very very rough year. Don't get me wrong, there have been really wonderful things to take place in 2007 but a whole lotta crap too. I'll try to sum up the good, the bad, the ugly....bear with me:

Good

• Watching Bug grow into an amazing young man with a tremendous heart and an incredible sense of humor - I couldn't be prouder.
• Getting the strength to take the steps to end my marriage, despite the tension and ugliness it produced in the process.
• Meeting E. While I'm not proud of the fact that we both went outside our marriage(s) to pursue the relationship, I am so grateful to have him in my life. I can talk to him about ANYTHING and will forever count him as one of my closest friends. Even if our beginning was a bit unconventional.
• JM - agreeing to meet him that very first night, falling for him, allowing our relationship to go through the growing pains and the struggles. We wouldn't be where we are without the previous 6 months of ups and downs. That's not to say that all is happiness and light but we're stronger and better than we've ever been.
• Keeping this blog and getting to know the bloggers I have. While I can't say that I've made any lifelong friends just yet (save for one that comes to mind) I am grateful for those that have shown me kindness and friendship through this year.
• Meeting Matt K. Despite the fact that our contact is somewhat hit or miss due to scheduling and such, I am grateful to call him my friend. Just hope he feels the same...hehe.
• My mom's second chance at life - literally. It's truly opened my eyes to my mom and made me realize that I have one last chance to get to know her and spend time with her. Not many people can say that...for that reason I am very very lucky.
  
• Spending time with my sister when my mom was hospitalized. This was the very first time EVER that we were able to just hang out and be sisters, joking and laughing (it was the only way to cope with the stress of the situation) and just BEING together. Our relationship has grown some because of this and I'm grateful for that.
  

Bad

• Falling for Cali and allowing him to manipulate and subsequently discard me at will. I did learn a lot about myself from that relationship but I really wish I could have gone back and done so many things differently.
• Flying cross country for Cali and never expecting anything in return because well....in my own twisted little brain he couldn't possibly give me more cuz he was *married*. Silly silly girl.
  
• Dealing with JD and allowing him to make me feel like less than a great mother - which deep in my heart of hearts I KNOW I am.
• AC and getting sucked into the madness of his life, even for such a short time. The after effects of that will live with me forever.
• Losing my dad and feeling as though I've never quite reconciled my issues with him before he passed. I'll forever miss him and wonder if he truly knew just how much he was loved by me. We had such a tumultuous relationship and things were never quite together for us...but no matter what, he was my daddy and I love him with all my heart.
• Coming home from my dad's funeral service to find my mom in the hospital and her then going into cardiac arrest which led to a roller coaster of emotions and decisions.
  

Ugly

• My inability to respect/value myself enough to make the right decisions in all matters of relationships (love, family or otherwise).
• My job, I have never felt accepted or included nor have I ever felt appreciated.
• Dealing with the stepmonster after my dad's death and attending his funeral service feeling like an afterthough while her kids were introduced to all his friends. I'll never quite be able to shake that experience, it was like a really bad episode of the Twilight Zone.
  
• Realizing that I could potentially lose both of my parents within 10 days of each other. With that realization came the task of trying to figure out a way to explain this to Bug, especially considering my mom is by far the most important person in his life. Thank goodness it never came to that. The Lord does answer prayers...
• Struggling with my self esteem issues and while I can say out loud that I deserve better, being unable to pursue better and go for what I *think* I deserve.
• Gaining back more of the weight that I lost than I would have liked to...in actuality I gained back exactly the amount I had to lose to get to my goal. So much for two steps forward and one step back. ::sigh:: I'll get there.
• Dealing with my in laws and realizing how little they respect me and how little JD valued me and our family life in comparison to his parents and friends.

I'm sure there is so much more but these are the things that come to mind right off.

I don't do resolutions so I'll list my goals for 2008:

1. Lose the ::cringe:: 70 lbs. I have left to get to my goal. I WILL get there come hell or high water. I deserve it, damnit. With that being said, I am going to begin chronicling my weight loss journey, not sure if I'll use this blog or create a different one. I need some place to keep myself accountable, I can't afford to rejoin the weight loss support group I was a part of before but I need something to motivate me.
   
2. Finalize this divorce and get my financial and personal life together.
3. Get me and Bug settled in a new place that we can make our own. I don't care if it's a tiny 2 BR condo, as long as it's OUR HOME.
4. Get JM to finally admit he loves me. ::snort:: That's a joke...I don't want to force him to say or do anything he doesn't want to. I do want to see where our relationship goes and I'm willing to put forth the effort to make things work with us...I think we're worth it and he does too.
5. Strengthen my self esteem and work on becoming a stronger and more secure me.
6. Learn that I am a worthwhile human being, with or without a man. While I logically know that, I catch myself doing things that don't necessarily act that way.
7. To have plenty of hot, amazing sex. LOL
   

That's 2007/2008 in a nutshell. I'm excited about the possibilities of 2008 and oh so happy to bid farewell to 2007. Can't come soon enough for me!!

Happy New Year All!