Reconciliations Abound...
Whew seems that this was the weekend for reconciliations...what's that old saying..."When in Rome...?" Hehe
Friday night JM and I met for dinner....and we have reconciled. We had talked extensively on the phone and via text on Wednesday and Thursday nights. A lot of discussion was had, we aired out everything, both of us explaining our sides and came to one common ground, NEITHER of us wants us to end. He decided to end things last month for one reason...he was afraid. Afraid that he couldn't give me what I needed and afraid we'd continue on and eventually I'd decide that I wasn't happy and leave him. At first glance that appears fairly selfish on his part but after closer discussion and explanation it's very apparent that it was actually pretty selfless. He felt that I deserved more and he wanted me to be happy, assuming that he would not be able to make me happy with limited availability, he decided it was best to let me go so that I could pursue someone that was more available and able to give me what he THOUGHT I wanted/needed. (holy run on sentence Batman!!) In a word, he's WRONG. While seeing him every day would be awesome, it's not reality for either of us. We both have children, lives, jobs, etc...we have commitments that take time away from *us*...on both sides of the fence. He has more time constraints than I do but we BOTH have them. I understand and accept that wholeheartedly. I told him that if I am unhappy I have no problem expressing that to him...I will tell him if something is wrong before I choose to walk away. I value *us* far too much not to. So Friday night we had dinner, did a lot of talking, and finally decided/agreed that we both want to continue together. I want him in my life just as much as he wants me in his. It's just going to take a bit of maneuvering to get it to work and we're both aware and ok with that. As I was getting out of his truck Friday night he said something that let me know that he totally *got* what I had been saying. He said, "Ok from now on I will assume that all is well and that you are happy and ok with the situation until I hear otherwise from you." PERFECT!! He's always been worried about not being enough or not being able to make me happy....I told him he does make me happy. He's plenty enough for me... I told him that I don't NEED to see him 7 days a week...while I'd love to it's not a requirement. As long as I have some definitive contact on a regular basis I'm a happy camper. I'm still very cautious...gun shy so to speak, but I'm optimistic and extremely happy. He makes me so incredibly happy and I have such strong feelings for him. I got out of his truck on Friday night and I was literally squealing with delight...lol. I felt like a high school girl who had a crush on the hot guy in class and finally got asked out by him. ::swoon::
I met him at his house on Friday night and as he opened the door to the house and I caught a glimpse of his face for the first time all the feelings for him bubbled to the surface. I felt so giddy with happiness and excitement to be with him. I've never felt this before...oh man, it's like a damned drug. We went out for dinner to this cute little Mexican restaurant and as always I felt like an absolute princess with him...totally and completely spoiled.
I'm sure many will think I'm positively crazy for letting him back in AGAIN but there is something that draws us back together. Maybe it's insanity...or maybe it's something more, something much bigger than we know. I do know that no matter what happens, we always manage to come back together, we never completely walk away from each other. I've NEVER been in a relationship where it ended and we managed to find our way back again. I've always walked away and cut ties...for fear of being hurt, for whatever reason. I see so much more in my relationship with JM...and there is a very large part of me that's not ready to walk away from that potential.
Friday night JM and I met for dinner....and we have reconciled. We had talked extensively on the phone and via text on Wednesday and Thursday nights. A lot of discussion was had, we aired out everything, both of us explaining our sides and came to one common ground, NEITHER of us wants us to end. He decided to end things last month for one reason...he was afraid. Afraid that he couldn't give me what I needed and afraid we'd continue on and eventually I'd decide that I wasn't happy and leave him. At first glance that appears fairly selfish on his part but after closer discussion and explanation it's very apparent that it was actually pretty selfless. He felt that I deserved more and he wanted me to be happy, assuming that he would not be able to make me happy with limited availability, he decided it was best to let me go so that I could pursue someone that was more available and able to give me what he THOUGHT I wanted/needed. (holy run on sentence Batman!!) In a word, he's WRONG. While seeing him every day would be awesome, it's not reality for either of us. We both have children, lives, jobs, etc...we have commitments that take time away from *us*...on both sides of the fence. He has more time constraints than I do but we BOTH have them. I understand and accept that wholeheartedly. I told him that if I am unhappy I have no problem expressing that to him...I will tell him if something is wrong before I choose to walk away. I value *us* far too much not to. So Friday night we had dinner, did a lot of talking, and finally decided/agreed that we both want to continue together. I want him in my life just as much as he wants me in his. It's just going to take a bit of maneuvering to get it to work and we're both aware and ok with that. As I was getting out of his truck Friday night he said something that let me know that he totally *got* what I had been saying. He said, "Ok from now on I will assume that all is well and that you are happy and ok with the situation until I hear otherwise from you." PERFECT!! He's always been worried about not being enough or not being able to make me happy....I told him he does make me happy. He's plenty enough for me... I told him that I don't NEED to see him 7 days a week...while I'd love to it's not a requirement. As long as I have some definitive contact on a regular basis I'm a happy camper. I'm still very cautious...gun shy so to speak, but I'm optimistic and extremely happy. He makes me so incredibly happy and I have such strong feelings for him. I got out of his truck on Friday night and I was literally squealing with delight...lol. I felt like a high school girl who had a crush on the hot guy in class and finally got asked out by him. ::swoon::
I met him at his house on Friday night and as he opened the door to the house and I caught a glimpse of his face for the first time all the feelings for him bubbled to the surface. I felt so giddy with happiness and excitement to be with him. I've never felt this before...oh man, it's like a damned drug. We went out for dinner to this cute little Mexican restaurant and as always I felt like an absolute princess with him...totally and completely spoiled.
I'm sure many will think I'm positively crazy for letting him back in AGAIN but there is something that draws us back together. Maybe it's insanity...or maybe it's something more, something much bigger than we know. I do know that no matter what happens, we always manage to come back together, we never completely walk away from each other. I've NEVER been in a relationship where it ended and we managed to find our way back again. I've always walked away and cut ties...for fear of being hurt, for whatever reason. I see so much more in my relationship with JM...and there is a very large part of me that's not ready to walk away from that potential.
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