Extreme Contentment

That just about describes my life right now.

Financially things are less than pleasant but, hey, it's only money. Heh

I'm only 3 days from *official* freedom. WOOHOO!! I'm wondering if the judge would frown upon me tossing a high five in his (or her) direction once the dissolution is announced? Yeah you're probably right...I'll save the high fives until I see my friends. Yes the divorce will be final in 3 days and I am BEYOND happy and excited. While our lives will forever be entwined because of Bug, there are many facets of my life that will be freed up and he will no longer have the rights or ability to insinuate himself into them.

K is coming down to help me celebrate this weekend. We will be spending all 3 days together. THREE DAYS...no kids, no work, no interruptions...just us, both of us SINGLE, UNMARRIED, UNATTACHED. What a strange concept. Heehee I cannot wait. We have nothing in particular planned, just dinner out, some relaxation, and enjoying the fact that I am indeed starting a new chapter in my life.

I know that some may think it's horrible that I'm celebrating the end of my marriage. I haven't shared all aspects of my marriage on my blog nor have I shared all my feelings about my marriage. Do I regret pursuing a divorce? Yes and no. Yes in that I feel as though I failed again...no in that I know I did everything in *my* power to make this work. We were just not meant to be. We tried...I tried. The last 4-5 years have opened my eyes and made me realize exactly the type of man I was married to. There are many things that occurred during that time that made me lose respect for JD. I look at him now and I search for something that reminds me why I married him...nothing is there. NOTHING. I am more frustrated with him than anything else. I don't love him, I don't hate him....I think I'm indifferent. So much has happened in our marriage, so much has happened in our separation, both have contributed to why I feel this way. Every step of the way, at every turn, he takes the opportunity to play control games, he enjoys the power trip. Like the fact that he moved out of the house over 15 months ago yet he STILL has the keys to every door AND the garage door opener..and uses them to come and go as he pleases. It's a control issue...one of the few areas he can still have some control over my life. Well that is quickly coming to a close and he will no longer be allowed to insinuate himself into my life whenever he wants. I'm done. We are done.

Ok...on to happier discussions...hehe.

This past weekend Fuse was here for a visit. We had a great time. Dinner at Famous Dave's...how funny that I live minutes from the place, pass it at least twice a day and have NEVER dined there. Can't say that anymore. We were there twice in one weekend...YUM. I made some of the best pancakes one morning for breakfast. The Alanis concert ROCKED. Seats were obscenely awesome...less than 20 feet from her!! As always she rocked the house...that woman is amazing. We lounged around, watched the rerun of the VP Debate, just kind of decompressed. At first I felt bad that we didn't get to do much, I was sick as was Bug and then we ended up with a bit of rain...but Fuse said that he actually enjoyed being able to just chill out and do nothing. He spent plenty of time playing with Bug and Bug LOVED the attention. Whenever we were home and Fuse wasn't here Bug would ask if Fuse had left or would he be back to play with him. Hehe It was a great weekend all in all. Looking forward to his return trip next weekend for our Blogger Weekend in Indy. I have a sneaking suspicion that copious amounts of alcohol will be consumed and a fair amount of raucous debauchery will ensue. I'm ready...anyone else?

Last weekend brought about some interesting twists and options in my life. Nothing that I want to expound on at this moment, just some options that I didn't realize existed. Has forced me to think about or maybe rethink some aspects of my life. It's all good stuff, trust me. Just nothing I am ready to share...though I've learned from reading other blogs that it may very well be nothing I want to share at all. We shall see....

Off to bed. G'nite ALL!