Not quite right

Pretty much how I feel...maybe it's depression, maybe it's the fact that I've been sick for 6 of the last 7 days, maybe it's the fact that I haven't seen K in almost a week, maybe it's for the most part being stranded at home unable to go anywhere due to these nasty demons that are running rampant through my body...maybe it's all of the above.

Things with K aren't bad, I mean we're together and there hasn't been any particular discord to speak of...we've talked daily but I just feel so disconnected at times, especially when we are so far apart for an entire week with no sign of reconnection for another week. It sucks. I crave so much more. I know that patience and taking things slow is a good thing but sheesh I miss him. He's not a super emotional, touchy feely kinda guy...we talk about our feelings and such but he's not the "I love you" at the end of every call type of guy, he's more the....well of course I love you, how could I not...why else would I be calling you type of guy. His feelings just are and I'm learning that like many men, they're the same unless he says otherwise. Something to get used to. When we're together I feel his love....I can sense it in the way he looks at me, his wink, his smile, how he touches me, his tremendous, comforting teddy bear hugs, the swats on the ass...lol....they remind me and I just know. But when we're apart...I don't have those things. It's very easy for your mind to start playing games..imagining things, playing out ridiculous scenarios...to just mess with you. I have to shut my mind down when that happens, it's quite dangerous.

I started to feel a bit better physically today and decided to take Bug out for breakfast. He has a favorite breakfast place in the area and we haven't been in a while - Fuse, Trueself, and BJ can attest to Bug's fine taste as we had breakfast there as well. So we made our way out for breakfast and just as it was winding down and we were about to pay our check and head out, I started to get sick again. ::sigh:: Got home and I've been in a funk ever since. I had so many plans for this afternoon...things to accomplish but not any more. So after I post this I'm heading to take a nap. My house looks like a half dozen bombs went off and I've accomplished nothing. Maybe this evening...I have to get something accomplished today. I have one week until 20+ people will be here for my "freedom celebration". Although at this point I don't feel terribly free, nor do I feel much like celebrating.