Random Thoughts

I realize that things with Cali are still up in the air since we haven't even seen each other but my heart is really with him. He makes me smile on a daily basis and he makes me feel incredibly special. Last night he went out with a friend for a few drinks and I talked to him when he was on his way there. He's always giving me a hard time when I go out with my friends. Teasing me that I am probably meeting my "other" boyfriend or something. We both play the game and joke around, partly I think wanting to get the reassurance from the other that there is nobody else. So I of course had to tease him and ask what his "girlfriend's" name was. He immediately responded with my name. We talked for abit and then he went to meet his friend. I called him later while he was still out as I was heading home from the store. We talked a little while and he said he'd call me when he was on his way home. Sure enough about an hour and a half later my phone rang. =) We talked for about 45 minutes as he drove home. I wanted to make sure he hadn't had too much to drink and it was obvious he was completely sober. I was home so my side of the conversation was limited but he was so incredibly "mushy". He kept telling me how lucky he was to have me in his life, how much I meant to him, and that I was awesome. He followed that up by telling me that he knew I couldn't reply and he was glad cuz he didn't want me to. He just wanted me to know how much I meant to him. I couldn't do anything but smile like a goofball. I never felt so close to him as I have over the last day or so. Despite the limitations on our time together during winter break it's been a great week for us.

JD and I were arguing yet again last night. It's really getting old and after the little display that he put on I told him that I'm ready for a divorce. He responded by screaming at the top of his lungs while leaning over Bug who was sound asleep. Yeah way to go jerk. I just don't really care anymore. His out of control actions in front of Bug are really upsetting me. I've been very careful to hold my temper and not raise my voice in front of Bug but he can't manage to do that himself. I don't want Bug to see that. I know he can sense the discord between us and all but he doesn't need to visibly see or witness any of it. I know I saw it with my parents on a regular basis since they didn't care what I saw or heard when they were fighting...I don't ever want Bug to have those memories. So do I stick around and try to make it work or opt to walk and build a happier life for me and Bug without his father? I just don't know.

I don't have the energy to deal with the decisions today either. I'm sick and dealing with this headache is enough for me. I'm off to veg out for a bit, hoping to hear from my Cali Guy.