Let me off this damned roller coaster!

Well I was doing ok until last night. Cali and I texted back and forth again yesterday but I haven't had *any* voice since I called him when I landed on Friday night. It's killing me to not hear his voice. I have all these fears and concerns that are swirling around in my head and none of them will go away until I talk to him. Most of it is probably unfounded, but my insecurity and fear of rejection have taken over. I keep thinking that he's changed his mind, he realized that this isn't what he wants or I'm not what he wants. I know we had an absolutely amazing time but my insecurity isn't terribly rational. I have to keep going back to the vision in my mind of his face when we saw each other the first time. His reaction to me...the fact that he was trying to talk me into skipping dinner that first night to stay in our hotel room and make love. I kick myself for turning him down but I was starving!! lol I need to remember every night we were together, falling asleep in each others arms, never separating our bodies throughout the night. The feeling of his hand in mine as we drove in the car. Him pulling his hand away only when traffic got difficult or when we were traveling a particularly narrow/dangerous area in the mountains. Otherwise touching at all times. The way he'd reach for my hand while we walked anywhere, almost as if to provide some protection to me and make sure I got where we needed to go. It was just incredibly sweet and I felt LOVED. I can't believe how easily you can go from feeling so protected, wanted, and loved to feeling so lost, alone, and depressed. This totally SUCKS!

I think I need to do something productive to hopefully get my mind off this. I'm going to try to go to the gym and work off some of this stress.

More later, Drama Queens.