Manic Monday
Not a whole lot going on here. It was a mix of really good and frustrating this weekend. Friday was fairly uneventful. JD worked, I hit the gym and did some other miscellaneous errands. Was able to do some research for flights and talked to Cali about timing and such. As I posted on earlier, I ended up booking my flight on Friday night. Whee!!
Friday night Cali got a chance to call me which was a pleasant surprise. I had just finished booking the flight when he called. Saturday I got up and did my usual trek to the gym and then came home and relaxed a bit. We had plans to go over to one of JD's friends house. I wasn't really looking forward to it but the alternative was sitting at home doing nothing so we went. I showered and got dressed, in the midst of that Cali texted me a number of times which was a nice surprise. I pretty much knew that we wouldn't talk that evening but I still held out hope. Did the dinner at friends and then came home. JD made a comment about hoping I'd drink more so that he could "take advantage" of me. Uh ok whatever, you sweet talking devil you. By this time it was midnight and I was tired and not in the mood for "talking about it". We got Bug to bed and crashed out ourselves.
Sunday was a lazy day. I woke up to find that JD had left for the gym. So I hung out with Bug for a bit until JD got home. It was a really frustrating day for us. JD has this way of trying to micromanage things. I was working on something on the computer and he's standing over me asking, "What time are you going to the gym? When are you going to grocery shop? Which store are you going to first? I need to organize my day." Good grief, do we need to schedule every second of the day? We didn't have anywhere to be at any particular time so what's the big deal? I told him that I hadn't thought that far ahead, I was simply trying to finish my breakfast first. He got all bent out of shape and stomped off to the other room.
I got ready to go to the gym and left, while he headed out to look for some electronics stuff. Just as I walked into the gym Cali texted me to ask if I could talk. Of course I could talk!! Actually it was perfect timing since I hadn't started my workout yet...so I called him and we talked for about 20 minutes. Caught up on each other's weekend, exchanged our usual "I miss you's" and just enjoyed talking to each other. A definite bright spot in my otherwise frustrating day. I did a longer than usual workout with an extended cardio routine and more strength training but it felt really good. Headed home and of course JD wanted to know if I had gone somewhere else because I had been gone so long. Ay yi yi...I did a longer workout, what's the big deal? I made lunch which by that time was closer to dinner and then he had to head out again to get more electronics junk so I hopped in the shower. Just before I went to get into the shower Cali texted me again. We exchanged a few flirtatious texts before he had to go. He was going to a movie with his son and I needed to get into the shower. He said he'd try to call later in the evening but in my heart I knew that things wouldn't work out that way. It was ok though since we had a nice chat in the morning and then exchanged text messages a couple of times.
I had intended to go to the store but by the time I showered I had no desire or energy. We didn't need anything crucial so I opted to skip it entirely until today. JD and I argued a few more times (Yay, so much fun!) and I got to spend some fun time with Bug. We were playing hide and seek and tag in the house. I tell you every day with this little boy gets better than the last. I am so incredibly blessed to have him in my life. We ended up watching a video last night and I started to fall asleep while watching it. Of course, JD kept making smart comments about me sleeping through the movie. Then he got up to go to bed and was angry that I wasn't following behind him. He actually stood over me on the couch yelling at me that I need to go to sleep now because he's going to sleep. Uh what? When did you become my dad? I hate when he tells me what to do or thinks that since he's doing it I should too. It's a big part of our issues at this point, among other things.
We're supposed to have a counseling appt. tonight. JD hasn't officially confirmed it but he insists that it's happening. We shall see. I'm not looking forward to it, I don't have my heart in it and a big part of me just wants to ask for a separation, but I don't know if it's the right time. Is there really ever a good time to ask for that? I mean we have family birthdays coming up in a few weeks and other family things going on and it'll undoubtedly make life stressful on those counts as well as the usual issues surrounding a separation. Do I wait until these events have passed or do it now and deal? I don't know if there is ever a good time and I guess there will always be some event or situation coming up that will make this uncomfortable. But I also know that I'm losing my patience with the situation, I feel suffocated. I don't know that the separation will remove those feelings but I do know that it has to be better than the current situation.
Eh well, I better get going. Need to head to the gym before I lose my motivation. Hoping to hear from Cali as he heads into the office this morning.
More later, maybe.
Friday night Cali got a chance to call me which was a pleasant surprise. I had just finished booking the flight when he called. Saturday I got up and did my usual trek to the gym and then came home and relaxed a bit. We had plans to go over to one of JD's friends house. I wasn't really looking forward to it but the alternative was sitting at home doing nothing so we went. I showered and got dressed, in the midst of that Cali texted me a number of times which was a nice surprise. I pretty much knew that we wouldn't talk that evening but I still held out hope. Did the dinner at friends and then came home. JD made a comment about hoping I'd drink more so that he could "take advantage" of me. Uh ok whatever, you sweet talking devil you. By this time it was midnight and I was tired and not in the mood for "talking about it". We got Bug to bed and crashed out ourselves.
Sunday was a lazy day. I woke up to find that JD had left for the gym. So I hung out with Bug for a bit until JD got home. It was a really frustrating day for us. JD has this way of trying to micromanage things. I was working on something on the computer and he's standing over me asking, "What time are you going to the gym? When are you going to grocery shop? Which store are you going to first? I need to organize my day." Good grief, do we need to schedule every second of the day? We didn't have anywhere to be at any particular time so what's the big deal? I told him that I hadn't thought that far ahead, I was simply trying to finish my breakfast first. He got all bent out of shape and stomped off to the other room.
I got ready to go to the gym and left, while he headed out to look for some electronics stuff. Just as I walked into the gym Cali texted me to ask if I could talk. Of course I could talk!! Actually it was perfect timing since I hadn't started my workout yet...so I called him and we talked for about 20 minutes. Caught up on each other's weekend, exchanged our usual "I miss you's" and just enjoyed talking to each other. A definite bright spot in my otherwise frustrating day. I did a longer than usual workout with an extended cardio routine and more strength training but it felt really good. Headed home and of course JD wanted to know if I had gone somewhere else because I had been gone so long. Ay yi yi...I did a longer workout, what's the big deal? I made lunch which by that time was closer to dinner and then he had to head out again to get more electronics junk so I hopped in the shower. Just before I went to get into the shower Cali texted me again. We exchanged a few flirtatious texts before he had to go. He was going to a movie with his son and I needed to get into the shower. He said he'd try to call later in the evening but in my heart I knew that things wouldn't work out that way. It was ok though since we had a nice chat in the morning and then exchanged text messages a couple of times.
I had intended to go to the store but by the time I showered I had no desire or energy. We didn't need anything crucial so I opted to skip it entirely until today. JD and I argued a few more times (Yay, so much fun!) and I got to spend some fun time with Bug. We were playing hide and seek and tag in the house. I tell you every day with this little boy gets better than the last. I am so incredibly blessed to have him in my life. We ended up watching a video last night and I started to fall asleep while watching it. Of course, JD kept making smart comments about me sleeping through the movie. Then he got up to go to bed and was angry that I wasn't following behind him. He actually stood over me on the couch yelling at me that I need to go to sleep now because he's going to sleep. Uh what? When did you become my dad? I hate when he tells me what to do or thinks that since he's doing it I should too. It's a big part of our issues at this point, among other things.
We're supposed to have a counseling appt. tonight. JD hasn't officially confirmed it but he insists that it's happening. We shall see. I'm not looking forward to it, I don't have my heart in it and a big part of me just wants to ask for a separation, but I don't know if it's the right time. Is there really ever a good time to ask for that? I mean we have family birthdays coming up in a few weeks and other family things going on and it'll undoubtedly make life stressful on those counts as well as the usual issues surrounding a separation. Do I wait until these events have passed or do it now and deal? I don't know if there is ever a good time and I guess there will always be some event or situation coming up that will make this uncomfortable. But I also know that I'm losing my patience with the situation, I feel suffocated. I don't know that the separation will remove those feelings but I do know that it has to be better than the current situation.
Eh well, I better get going. Need to head to the gym before I lose my motivation. Hoping to hear from Cali as he heads into the office this morning.
More later, maybe.
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