Back Where I Started...
So much has happened over the past day. JD ended up staying home today and went to the doctor. He tested positive for the flu. Oh yippee flippin' skippy!! So he's home for the next 3 days and we both have to be treated for the flu. Ugh. As if I don't have enough on my plate with this stupid respiratory infection and ear infection. I just want all these damn germs to leave my home...NOW!!
Cali went in for his blood work this morning and then his doc called with the results of his xray. Confirmed the kidney stone...it's larger than he thought and too large to pass on it's own. Dammit!! He's going to need to have a laser procedure done to break it up. They are waiting for the blood work results on Monday before scheduling it though. My baby is in soo much pain, I can just hear it in his voice every time we talk. He's missed work this week which is totally not his personality.
We talked about this upcoming week and he said that he still wanted me to come but we don't know about timing with this procedure. I told him that I could care less if we sat in the hotel room and watched movie and ordered room service for 2 days...being with him was my only concern, but I wanted him to be comfortable and healthy. We agreed that it's best to wait until Monday to see what the doc has to say but I am about 99.9% sure I'll be canceling my flight. While talking to him on the phone I was very calm and supportive, telling him not to worry, we'll be together very soon and that I just want him to get better. Totally the truth....what I didn't tell him was how much my heart was hurting knowing that I wouldn't be seeing him this week. He didn't need to hear any of that....he doesn't need any added pressure. He's in so much pain and really needs my total support. We said our goodbyes and as soon as I hung up and could get upstairs into the house and somewhere private, I lost it. I felt exactly as I did the Friday I came home last time. Like a part of my heart was missing and I was having a tough time breathing. I know that must sound really silly to some and I guess in retrospect, it is a bit silly. I realize we WILL see each other again, I WILL reschedule my flight for another time but it'll be at least another 3 weeks or so due to family obligations and the upcoming Spring Break(s) and holidays. Of course, add into the mix the possibility of me being offered this job on Monday and that could really toss a wrench into things. I just miss him so much and was really looking forward to some quality Cali time. We'll make it, I'm confident. Just need to let it sink in a bit.
One of the things that occurred to me in light of the past couple of days and Cali's current condition, the fact that if Heaven forbid something was to happen to him, I would have NO WAY of knowing about it. Zero...zilch. That scared me. In my case, my best friend, Mamacita knows about Cali and would be able to get in touch with him if something happened. But in reverse, I'd be left totally in the dark and of course that added to my worries. Before we had a diagnosis my mind was racing with all the *what if's* that could have occurred, if he had some horrible disease, if he collapsed, etc. Ugh, I think once this situation is taken care of, we need to talk about this because I would like to know that *someone* out there would be able to get in touch with me or we could put some type of system together to let me know if something was to happen. OK that's enough sadness and worrying for my heart tonight. I think I'll head to bed now.
Cali went in for his blood work this morning and then his doc called with the results of his xray. Confirmed the kidney stone...it's larger than he thought and too large to pass on it's own. Dammit!! He's going to need to have a laser procedure done to break it up. They are waiting for the blood work results on Monday before scheduling it though. My baby is in soo much pain, I can just hear it in his voice every time we talk. He's missed work this week which is totally not his personality.
We talked about this upcoming week and he said that he still wanted me to come but we don't know about timing with this procedure. I told him that I could care less if we sat in the hotel room and watched movie and ordered room service for 2 days...being with him was my only concern, but I wanted him to be comfortable and healthy. We agreed that it's best to wait until Monday to see what the doc has to say but I am about 99.9% sure I'll be canceling my flight. While talking to him on the phone I was very calm and supportive, telling him not to worry, we'll be together very soon and that I just want him to get better. Totally the truth....what I didn't tell him was how much my heart was hurting knowing that I wouldn't be seeing him this week. He didn't need to hear any of that....he doesn't need any added pressure. He's in so much pain and really needs my total support. We said our goodbyes and as soon as I hung up and could get upstairs into the house and somewhere private, I lost it. I felt exactly as I did the Friday I came home last time. Like a part of my heart was missing and I was having a tough time breathing. I know that must sound really silly to some and I guess in retrospect, it is a bit silly. I realize we WILL see each other again, I WILL reschedule my flight for another time but it'll be at least another 3 weeks or so due to family obligations and the upcoming Spring Break(s) and holidays. Of course, add into the mix the possibility of me being offered this job on Monday and that could really toss a wrench into things. I just miss him so much and was really looking forward to some quality Cali time. We'll make it, I'm confident. Just need to let it sink in a bit.
One of the things that occurred to me in light of the past couple of days and Cali's current condition, the fact that if Heaven forbid something was to happen to him, I would have NO WAY of knowing about it. Zero...zilch. That scared me. In my case, my best friend, Mamacita knows about Cali and would be able to get in touch with him if something happened. But in reverse, I'd be left totally in the dark and of course that added to my worries. Before we had a diagnosis my mind was racing with all the *what if's* that could have occurred, if he had some horrible disease, if he collapsed, etc. Ugh, I think once this situation is taken care of, we need to talk about this because I would like to know that *someone* out there would be able to get in touch with me or we could put some type of system together to let me know if something was to happen. OK that's enough sadness and worrying for my heart tonight. I think I'll head to bed now.
No comments:
Post a Comment