Busy but content
Today has been a busy day. I'm feeling very content and at peace today. Life has been good for the most part....for now.
Last night Cali called on his way home which was a nice treat. I was lying on the couch watching TV when he called and for some reason whenever he calls me and I'm being lazy he always says I sound like I'm sick or something. I think it's just the sleepiness from being so lazy. LOL We talked a bit about today and what he had planned.
This morning I got up and got Bug ready for school. As I was on my way to take him to school and stopped by a train, Cali called. He was on his way to the office. We talked for a very short time before he got a phone call he had to take. He was frustrated because last night and this morning his wife was picking fights with both of the kids about goofy stuff. He's so anti-conflict and I know it really kills him when she starts in on the kids. Like he said to me, he can handle it if she wants to go after him but when it's the kids the gloves are off. I guess his son asked him why he ever married her. WOW...that's pretty sad to know that your own son feels that way about his mother. He sounded so stressed and beat down, I wish I could do something to help him.
I did some grocery shopping while Bug was in school, spent WAYYYY too much money but got some good stuff. Got home to put away the groceries and Cali called. He was heading out to another site visit today and had almost an hours drive so we talked while he made the trip. Good conversation, he vented a bit about the wife situation but mostly just talked about nothing in general. Silly jokes and such. We're still up in the air about the trip and his wife's possible travel plans. Hopefully by this weekend or early next week we'll have more details. I'm fully expecting it to land during the time I'm supposed to be there, he's insistent that it won't. He's confident, let's hope he's right! LOL
I had another session with my personal trainer today which was great. I felt pretty good afterwards and he's really helping me fine tune a good workout routine to accomplish the goals I'm setting for myself. He was impressed with my progress thus far and told me that I have really good flexibility. I guess that's a good thing? hehe
As I was leaving the gym to head to our couple's counseling session, Cali called. We talked for a little while as I drove to the appt. and he was stuck in rush hour traffic on his way home. Discussed his schedule and mine for tomorrow as well as the countdown until we see each other. I could tell from his voice that he was really tired so I was relieved when he told me that he had just pulled up at home. As you know, I worry about him when he's tired and driving home. He said he'd call me first thing in the morning and we said our goodbye/have a nice dinner/have a great night/sweet dreams exchange.
Because of my training session and traffic on the way, I was about 15 minutes late to our counseling session. JD knew that I was going to be late because of the training session but he was still edgy when I walked in. Our counseling was tense and frustrating. I was thisclose to discussing a separation, but for some reason it just never came out of my mouth. I feel like such a dumbass for not saying it. I think it's the best thing for me/us but why can't I just spit it out?!?!? Ugh, this makes me crazy. I don't really think we got anywhere with the session but I have this strong feeling that our counselor really gets that my hearts not really in this at this point. It's just a sense I get from the way she's asking me questions and such. In any case, I walked out feeling just as stressed and frustrated as I did when I walked in, maybe even moreso. Got home to make dinner and everything was an argument. Bug was being whiny and emotional which is the opposite of his normal personality. JD was acting clueless as usual and I was running around like an ass trying to get dinner on the table. The entire evening disintegrated with JD and I yelling at each other and Bug crying about every single thing anyone said to him. Not good. What a mess.
I'm feeling lousy tonight - physically, not mentally or emotionally. The argument(s) with JD tonight are all but forgotten. It's kind of strange how they bother me while they are going on but after it's over and we've stopped screaming at each other it's pretty much done. It used to stay with me and bother me but it doesn't anymore. I think that's kind of sad...its one of the things that my counselor said sort of signals that I've pulled way from the marriage at some level. I'm so wiped out from it that I just don't let it bother me any longer, I guess.
I'm tired and really need to get some decent sleep tonight. Other than going to the gym tomorrow, it's a pretty uneventful day. That's a good thing for me.
Sleep tight all!
Last night Cali called on his way home which was a nice treat. I was lying on the couch watching TV when he called and for some reason whenever he calls me and I'm being lazy he always says I sound like I'm sick or something. I think it's just the sleepiness from being so lazy. LOL We talked a bit about today and what he had planned.
This morning I got up and got Bug ready for school. As I was on my way to take him to school and stopped by a train, Cali called. He was on his way to the office. We talked for a very short time before he got a phone call he had to take. He was frustrated because last night and this morning his wife was picking fights with both of the kids about goofy stuff. He's so anti-conflict and I know it really kills him when she starts in on the kids. Like he said to me, he can handle it if she wants to go after him but when it's the kids the gloves are off. I guess his son asked him why he ever married her. WOW...that's pretty sad to know that your own son feels that way about his mother. He sounded so stressed and beat down, I wish I could do something to help him.
I did some grocery shopping while Bug was in school, spent WAYYYY too much money but got some good stuff. Got home to put away the groceries and Cali called. He was heading out to another site visit today and had almost an hours drive so we talked while he made the trip. Good conversation, he vented a bit about the wife situation but mostly just talked about nothing in general. Silly jokes and such. We're still up in the air about the trip and his wife's possible travel plans. Hopefully by this weekend or early next week we'll have more details. I'm fully expecting it to land during the time I'm supposed to be there, he's insistent that it won't. He's confident, let's hope he's right! LOL
I had another session with my personal trainer today which was great. I felt pretty good afterwards and he's really helping me fine tune a good workout routine to accomplish the goals I'm setting for myself. He was impressed with my progress thus far and told me that I have really good flexibility. I guess that's a good thing? hehe
As I was leaving the gym to head to our couple's counseling session, Cali called. We talked for a little while as I drove to the appt. and he was stuck in rush hour traffic on his way home. Discussed his schedule and mine for tomorrow as well as the countdown until we see each other. I could tell from his voice that he was really tired so I was relieved when he told me that he had just pulled up at home. As you know, I worry about him when he's tired and driving home. He said he'd call me first thing in the morning and we said our goodbye/have a nice dinner/have a great night/sweet dreams exchange.
Because of my training session and traffic on the way, I was about 15 minutes late to our counseling session. JD knew that I was going to be late because of the training session but he was still edgy when I walked in. Our counseling was tense and frustrating. I was thisclose to discussing a separation, but for some reason it just never came out of my mouth. I feel like such a dumbass for not saying it. I think it's the best thing for me/us but why can't I just spit it out?!?!? Ugh, this makes me crazy. I don't really think we got anywhere with the session but I have this strong feeling that our counselor really gets that my hearts not really in this at this point. It's just a sense I get from the way she's asking me questions and such. In any case, I walked out feeling just as stressed and frustrated as I did when I walked in, maybe even moreso. Got home to make dinner and everything was an argument. Bug was being whiny and emotional which is the opposite of his normal personality. JD was acting clueless as usual and I was running around like an ass trying to get dinner on the table. The entire evening disintegrated with JD and I yelling at each other and Bug crying about every single thing anyone said to him. Not good. What a mess.
I'm feeling lousy tonight - physically, not mentally or emotionally. The argument(s) with JD tonight are all but forgotten. It's kind of strange how they bother me while they are going on but after it's over and we've stopped screaming at each other it's pretty much done. It used to stay with me and bother me but it doesn't anymore. I think that's kind of sad...its one of the things that my counselor said sort of signals that I've pulled way from the marriage at some level. I'm so wiped out from it that I just don't let it bother me any longer, I guess.
I'm tired and really need to get some decent sleep tonight. Other than going to the gym tomorrow, it's a pretty uneventful day. That's a good thing for me.
Sleep tight all!
3 comments:
Hmm.. I want to comment but don't want to come off sounding like a bitch! LOL...I HAVE been where you are..with the shitty marriage (still there) and with the other man (lost that). I am just so afraid that you are going to get hurt...my pain is still rather raw from it all...now even 6 months later.
I know you are not me and not all things turn out the same. Just please be careful ok? :)
I feel like I am looking into a mirror of myself 4 years ago. I hope it all works out for you.
Thanks FL. I'm trying to stay sane and realistic. One day at a time.
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