Step by step...

it's getting a little easier. Talked to Cali earlier tonight, we had a nice talk. Reliving and laughing about memories of last week, reconnecting, chatting about our day, just being us again. God how I missed that. It's funny how two days of no contact after 3 days of being together can totally mess with my mind. It made such a tremendous difference just to get back into the *swing* of things. Our usual conversations, our usual phone calls, the the normal Cali and Drama *stuff*. I'm still finding that certain things will trigger that feeling in the pit of my stomach but it's not nearly as prevalent as it was in February. In Feb. I was a zombie for three days. I was putting away laundry today and saw my swimsuit and some of the other items I wore while we were together - that triggered so many memories. I had a tough time fighting back the tears, but I think I'll get through this. I need to start making time for myself. I'm starting tomorrow with going back to work, going to the gym, and then my weight loss meeting. I know that if I keep busy and concentrate on work and my life I'll be good. Before I know it, it'll be June and he'll be on his way to see me. In the meantime we'll concentrate on just being us and talking and sharing as much as we can, when we can.

During one of our heart to heart talks last week Cali asked me why it seems I have a timetable for our relationship. I don't necessarily have a timetable but I think I do tend to look into the future a great deal. I've always been the type of person to be looking forward to what is coming, sort of to see what I have to keep me going. I started to think about his comments and realized that I need to live in the here and now, especially with regard to our relationship. If I keep looking to the future and what might be, I'm going to miss out on the amazing relationship we have NOW. I don't want to miss out on that...I want to love him and enjoy what we have right now. Hopefully it will withstand the test of time and we will be together in the distant future. I don't want to miss out on what we can have now because I'm so busy planning or preparing for what could be later. Now is a sure thing...the future is anything but sure especially at this point. I can't ask him for a promise for the future when I can't provide that for him myself.

Well I better get some sleep, morning comes entirely too early around here. Night all!