Happy Hump Day

On my drive into the office today I kept thinking it was Thursday and then as I pulled into the parking lot it hit me...today was NOT Thursday, it was only Wednesday. Ugh, talk about a letdown!! We're pretty busy at work right now so the day does tend to go by quickly but I've been so tired lately that by about 3pm I'm worthless.

Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster, in some ways I feel as if I'm spinning out of control. Nothing terribly serious but I feel as though I'm living on the edge. We shall see how this all plays out. I am thisclose to having the talk with JD and letting him know that I definitely want a divorce. We need to work through this amicably in order for either of us to walk away with anything so I want to do it right and without anger or anything negative if possible. All that would do is hurt Bug in the long run and I will do anything to make sure that doesn't happen.

I have reconnected with someone I haven't seen in about 6 months. We met back in January and seemed to hit it off but since I was involved with Cali we never saw each other again. We had exchanged a few words, with both of us getting angry at each other which then meant we stopped all contact. He emailed me a couple weeks back and we managed to work through the disagreement. We're going slow and getting to know each other. We're both in the same place, separated and moving towards divorce at some point so it's kind of nice to have someone who is going through the same things. He's a good guy but I do find myself being rather guarded around him. He comes across as if he's just looking for a *good time* however, he manages to call me at least once a day and text me a half dozen times daily... I'm not quite sure what to make of the situation but I'm treading lightly. I refuse to allow myself to feel anything for him...for some reason I feel as if I need to keep my emotions in check and not allow him *in*. Not that I have any serious emotions for him at this point, I like him ok...but I just feel that I can't let go so to speak. I think because of the way he comes across and my lack of fondness for rejection I'm tiptoeing through this. Might prove to be a winner for all I know but for the time being I'm just taking it one day at a time and expecting absolutely NOTHING from him. That way I'll be pleasantly surprised.

In Cali news there is none. No contact, no nothing. I heard a song on the radio today and actually broke down and called him. Of course, I got his voice mail as per usual. Left a casual voice mail and that was it. Had no expectations of him returning the call and that's exactly what I got...nothing. I'm ok with it, he does cross my mind on occasion, specifically when something triggers a memory but otherwise he's no longer inhabiting my heart and mind 24/7. I'm moving onward and upward. I deserve someone who is willing and able to give me 100% of themselves and I will give that in return. Not sure if he even exists but I hope to find him.

I am dating...nothing serious, nothing major. I'm learning a lot about myself and it feels pretty damn good. I've learned that I am stronger than I give myself credit for, I value myself much more than I ever did before, I am human and make mistakes, and I can forgive myself and move on when I make those mistakes. I'm also learning what I do and don't want in a prospective relationship/partner, IF (big if) I ever find myself in that position again.

It's actually fairly early but I'm exhausted and the next 4 days or so are going to be pretty crazy, so I think I'm going to head to bed. Tomorrow I have a lunch date and then home to pack and get ready for our trip to see my sister. Friday is a half day at work and then we hit the road to my sister's . Looking forward to hanging out there and just relaxing.

Sweet Dreams Drama Queens!