I hate packing...

Yeah I hate it. It always seems as though I'm rushing around last minute to get things packed when I'm going on a trip and this time is no exception. I've been really busy this week and haven't had much time to plan what I needed to pack so I'm hoping that I remember everything we'll need. It's not like my sister lives in the frozen tundra or some remote island but I hate to have to run out as soon as we get there to buy something that we forgot. I've got all the clothes packed and tomorrow after work I'll run home to pack the last minute toiletries and such and then pick up Bug and head out on our way. My mom has invited herself to go with and I am not looking forward to the car ride. I told my sister to have a large quantity of alcoholic beverage chilled and ready for me...lol She laughed because she knows exactly what I mean.

Nothing else to report....work has been fairly busy, life has been hectic, I'm feeling more and more content with myself and my life's path at this point. I realized today that the panic and sheer craziness I was feeling and had discussed on this blog is for the most part, disappeared. I don't feel it like I did and I also realized that the other thing that has disappeared too is Cali. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think deep down in my heart I knew that he wasn't what I wanted or needed but I was trying to make the relationship more than it actually was. I desperately tried to make it work and make it what I wanted but it never was. The panic was because I didn't have a firm grasp on the situation. He had all the control and I let him have it. Not anymore, now I'm in control and it feels amazing. I still care about him and I don't think that will ever go away...a small part of my heart still resides in California and probably will remain there. But it's a very small part and a part that I think I will be able to survive without. I will move on and in some ways, like a spider molts and loses it's skin my heart will repair and that small part that Cali possesses will be replaced, a bit stronger and wiser. I don't regret my relationship with him, we had some amazing times together and I learned so much about myself. He helped me to learn what I do and don't want in a relationship and inadvertently he opened my eyes to the fact that I deserve so much more than I was allowing myself. For that I have to thank him. I'm not even hurt or angry anymore...I've let it go. Each day is a little easier and I feel myself moving a little bit further away from that dependency. Not completely over him but I'm getting there. He doesn't permeate my thoughts like he used to, previously when I'd see someone driving the same car as him I'd feel a bit of sadness...now it just brings up memories but very little emotion. One day at a time...

Well I need to finish packing and get some sleep, going to be a long day tomorrow I have a feeling.

I won't have internet access over the weekend, I am actually leaving the laptop at home!! *See* you all when I return.