Another Saturday Night...
and I ain't got nobody.... Well I do have somebody but I don't have him here with me now. ::sigh:: JM had hoped to *sneak* out after getting the kiddos settled for the night so that we could possibly spend some time together but it wasn't to be. We exchanged a handful of text messages today, some were a wee bit steamy which got me slightly worked up and anxious to see him. Oh well I need to learn patience I suppose!! Yeah that might happen...NOT! In any case, here I sit home alone on Saturday night. It's ok, really. I'm missing JM but that's nothing new. I got my nails done this afternoon and then had lunch with Bug. I came home then to get him packed up to go for the night with JD. After they left I went to the grocery store and spent a small fortune. I stocked up on lots of fruit, veggies, and healthy food choices. I AM going to lose this weight, I know I can do it, it's just a matter of making it happen. The right food choices are key in this journey so I wanted to make sure I had stocked up. After spending my entire paycheck (or what felt like it!!) I came home to put away the groceries, wash the produce and figure out dinner. Had a healthy dinner and now I'm snacking on popcorn. My house is ripped apart and looks dreadful but I almost don't care. I think I'm going to get a few things done and then hit the pillow earlier rather than later. I'll get up first thing in the am and go for a walk and hit the gym, and then maybe just maybe I'll actually go to church. ::gasp:: Yes I know, what a shock, huh? I've been wanting to find a new church to attend and I think the time has come to do that. We'll see if my intentions come to fruition. Wish me luck!!
Something crossed my mind today as I was returning my cart to the shopping cart corral at the store - how random is that..lol - a post I had read back in November over at Marlea's blog came to mind and it hit me that it's a big part of my issue in my relationship with JM. Actually it's a large issue in every romantic relationship I've ever had. I assume when I don't hear from JM that it's because he doesn't value me, that I've been forgotten, that he isn't thinking about me. I mean, surely if I was on his mind he'd call or text, right? I don't take into account the fact that he's crazy busy. Lack of contact = lack of interest in my twisted little mind. But this morning I sent him a text and he responded back a while later. The part of his text that struck me was that he said he woke up at 3am because he had been dreaming about me...he was thinking about ME...dreaming about ME. Imagine that!!! So my assumption that when we're not together I'm not on his mind (the old out of sight, out of mind belief) was tossed out the window. Step by step, little by little I'm learning that he does care about me and does want to be with me...it's truly helping me overcome my insecurity. Doesn't mean I still don't have psychotic moments of insecurity but I'm a bit more rational about it all. The fact that JM is extremely patient and doesn't get his feather's ruffled easily also helps. It looks like I won't get to see him until next weekend, when I make dinner for him. So another week JM-less week but that's ok. I'll hit the gym every day that I can and focus on getting myself on track with my eating and plan an amazingly romantic dinner for next weekend. ::grin::
Well I'm off to get things done and head to bed, it's now almost midnight. Good night all!
Something crossed my mind today as I was returning my cart to the shopping cart corral at the store - how random is that..lol - a post I had read back in November over at Marlea's blog came to mind and it hit me that it's a big part of my issue in my relationship with JM. Actually it's a large issue in every romantic relationship I've ever had. I assume when I don't hear from JM that it's because he doesn't value me, that I've been forgotten, that he isn't thinking about me. I mean, surely if I was on his mind he'd call or text, right? I don't take into account the fact that he's crazy busy. Lack of contact = lack of interest in my twisted little mind. But this morning I sent him a text and he responded back a while later. The part of his text that struck me was that he said he woke up at 3am because he had been dreaming about me...he was thinking about ME...dreaming about ME. Imagine that!!! So my assumption that when we're not together I'm not on his mind (the old out of sight, out of mind belief) was tossed out the window. Step by step, little by little I'm learning that he does care about me and does want to be with me...it's truly helping me overcome my insecurity. Doesn't mean I still don't have psychotic moments of insecurity but I'm a bit more rational about it all. The fact that JM is extremely patient and doesn't get his feather's ruffled easily also helps. It looks like I won't get to see him until next weekend, when I make dinner for him. So another week JM-less week but that's ok. I'll hit the gym every day that I can and focus on getting myself on track with my eating and plan an amazingly romantic dinner for next weekend. ::grin::
Well I'm off to get things done and head to bed, it's now almost midnight. Good night all!
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