Life and stuff
Life has been busy, hectic, stressful, good, great, and miserable all at once.
Even though I'm not doing a whole lot at this point it seems that every evening I'm going or doing something. JD and I have been attending mediation at least once a week, I want this over quickly!! At our last appointment this week she said that she doesn't see us meeting for more than one more session and with that one she doesn't see it going the full two hours we normally use up. YAY That means the agreement is just about complete. We have a few minor issues to deal with, one being spousal support. I'm asking for a small amount for a period of 6 months to a year...he's balking at anything. My feeling is that I sacrificed (admittedly by my own choice - or should I say our agreed upon choice) 4 yrs. of working to stay home with Bug after he was born. Now that I've re-entered the work force I can't make what I was making. I'm simply asking for something to help me get back onto my feet until I can get up to speed a bit more with regards to work. He doesn't think I need anything. Honestly if I didn't have Bug I wouldn't be asking for a penny from him but I'm terrified about making ends meet after seeing the projected budget (I am at a monthly deficit of just under $1K and he's at a positive of over $500). I don't think 6 months to a year is a long time to ask for some support. Our mediator suggested consulting an attorney. In talking to them I've learned that I am entitled to up to 3 years of support at roughly 10% of his salary per month. CONSIDERABLY more than I am asking for. We'll see how that works out in mediation next week.
In an effort to get my butt back in shape I returned to the gym this week but of course that was short lived. Pffft, at least I managed to get ONE workout in this week, right? I will kick it into high gear this coming week for sure. I need to and I deserve it.
JM and I kept in touch the entire time my mom was in the hospital through text messages and phone calls. On the morning that we decided to remove the vent from my mom, he met me on my way to the hospital for a few minutes. I desperately needed to see him, to be in his arms, to just connect with him a bit. We talked a LOT about us and what I need to make us work and what he needs and is willing to give to make us work. The conversation was wonderful and I walked away feeling incredibly wanted and support and dare I say, loved. Once my mom was out of the woods and had been moved to the rehab center JM insisted that I NEEDED a night out. To let loose and just *BE*. We went out to a great dinner, he plied me with alcohol...hehe, and then we went into the city, went on a carriage ride and hit a few of the high end hotels for drinks and people watching. We had such an awesome time. He spent the night, we *celebrated* the holiday, exchanged gifts - I got him a really cool scoreboard style clock for his desk with the logo of his favorite team, a sweater with their logo, and a few other sports themed goodies and he got me a gorgeous diamond heart pendant, and curled up and fell asleep in each others arms. ::swoon:: We had breakfast the next morning and did a little last minute Christmas shopping together before he left to go pick up his kids. All in all it was a fabulously wonderful weekend.
This past weekend we went away for the night. It was FABulous!! We attended a sporting event and hung out, had an awesome dinner at a little Italian restaurant near our hotel, had a few drinks, and just spent time together. It was amazing. I felt so incredibly happy and close to him....it gets better and better every time we're together. ::big ole happy sigh:: He truly spoils me no matter what we do. As we were driving home, I almost felt like my heart was going to explode from being so full. We were talking, holding hands, joking, on occasion he'd lean over and kiss me or stroke my arm...just amazing that something so simple could make me feel so wonderful. He dropped me off, helped me bring in my bag, kissed me a half dozen more times before he tore himself away to leave after saying that if he didn't leave then he'd never leave. Hehe
Our time apart is something that I have to learn to deal with. He's extremely busy at work and has some things going on with his kids which are taking up most of his free time during the week. That means that the weekends his kids are with the ex are our only guaranteed time together, otherwise it's few and far between. Conversations are limited, he works stressful hours and his evenings are spent with the boys doing homework and other things. If we get to talk in the evenings it's after the boys are in bed but most nights he's so exhausted he ends up falling asleep right after the kids go to bed. My kneejerk reaction is that if he truly cared about me he'd make the effort to be awake, he'd make the effort to talk more, blah blah. But that's the needy princess in me...not the mature, logical woman that I'm really trying to be. Haha Seriously, I find myself flipping out when we have limited contact for a day or so and then I torture myself until I hear from him again. Then all is well. We talked last night and I commented that we hadn't talked in a while. He was shocked that I'd say that and argued that we had in fact exchanged emails that day....that's when I realized it's all a matter of perception. He wants to spend time with me, he wants to talk to me, he wants to be with me....his time is just limited. When we exchange emails or text messages, he's content with that....it's contact. I want more. It's not a matter of not wanting to be with me or wanting me, just that he knows at this point he can't give more, he's being stretched thin. I need to learn not to pressure him, I need to be supportive. He has so much going on and I want to be there for him, I can't do anything to take away his stress or give him more time, but I can make sure not to add to that stress. I'm trying...I'm really trying. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have him in my life. He spoils me, I feel incredibly wanted and loved when we're together and I need to hold onto those feelings. The smile that comes across his face the moment our eyes meet, the way he growls when I kiss him (hehe), the way he tells me I look great even when I'm in jeans and a hockey jersey...all ways that make me feel wanted and loved. I know what I need to do...now if I can just do it without screwing this up. Pffft good luck, Drama!!
Since he's been spoiling me like crazy lately and doesn't let me pay for anything I told him that next Saturday I want to either take him out to dinner or make him dinner. His choice. He hasn't made a choice yet but I think I'm just going to suggest a nice romantic dinner at home, bottle of wine, maybe a movie here...just the two of us. We could use some major cuddle time on the couch. ::wink::wink::
So my goal for this week is to get my butt to the gym, eat well, and be patient when it comes to all matters of boys (JM) and the heart. Oh yeah, and plan an amazing romantic dinner for JM for next Saturday evening. Any suggestions on easy but elegant meal selections, feel free to send 'em my way!! Nothing too foofy...he's definitely a guy's guy.
Have a faboo Friday evening all!!
Even though I'm not doing a whole lot at this point it seems that every evening I'm going or doing something. JD and I have been attending mediation at least once a week, I want this over quickly!! At our last appointment this week she said that she doesn't see us meeting for more than one more session and with that one she doesn't see it going the full two hours we normally use up. YAY That means the agreement is just about complete. We have a few minor issues to deal with, one being spousal support. I'm asking for a small amount for a period of 6 months to a year...he's balking at anything. My feeling is that I sacrificed (admittedly by my own choice - or should I say our agreed upon choice) 4 yrs. of working to stay home with Bug after he was born. Now that I've re-entered the work force I can't make what I was making. I'm simply asking for something to help me get back onto my feet until I can get up to speed a bit more with regards to work. He doesn't think I need anything. Honestly if I didn't have Bug I wouldn't be asking for a penny from him but I'm terrified about making ends meet after seeing the projected budget (I am at a monthly deficit of just under $1K and he's at a positive of over $500). I don't think 6 months to a year is a long time to ask for some support. Our mediator suggested consulting an attorney. In talking to them I've learned that I am entitled to up to 3 years of support at roughly 10% of his salary per month. CONSIDERABLY more than I am asking for. We'll see how that works out in mediation next week.
In an effort to get my butt back in shape I returned to the gym this week but of course that was short lived. Pffft, at least I managed to get ONE workout in this week, right? I will kick it into high gear this coming week for sure. I need to and I deserve it.
JM and I kept in touch the entire time my mom was in the hospital through text messages and phone calls. On the morning that we decided to remove the vent from my mom, he met me on my way to the hospital for a few minutes. I desperately needed to see him, to be in his arms, to just connect with him a bit. We talked a LOT about us and what I need to make us work and what he needs and is willing to give to make us work. The conversation was wonderful and I walked away feeling incredibly wanted and support and dare I say, loved. Once my mom was out of the woods and had been moved to the rehab center JM insisted that I NEEDED a night out. To let loose and just *BE*. We went out to a great dinner, he plied me with alcohol...hehe, and then we went into the city, went on a carriage ride and hit a few of the high end hotels for drinks and people watching. We had such an awesome time. He spent the night, we *celebrated* the holiday, exchanged gifts - I got him a really cool scoreboard style clock for his desk with the logo of his favorite team, a sweater with their logo, and a few other sports themed goodies and he got me a gorgeous diamond heart pendant, and curled up and fell asleep in each others arms. ::swoon:: We had breakfast the next morning and did a little last minute Christmas shopping together before he left to go pick up his kids. All in all it was a fabulously wonderful weekend.
This past weekend we went away for the night. It was FABulous!! We attended a sporting event and hung out, had an awesome dinner at a little Italian restaurant near our hotel, had a few drinks, and just spent time together. It was amazing. I felt so incredibly happy and close to him....it gets better and better every time we're together. ::big ole happy sigh:: He truly spoils me no matter what we do. As we were driving home, I almost felt like my heart was going to explode from being so full. We were talking, holding hands, joking, on occasion he'd lean over and kiss me or stroke my arm...just amazing that something so simple could make me feel so wonderful. He dropped me off, helped me bring in my bag, kissed me a half dozen more times before he tore himself away to leave after saying that if he didn't leave then he'd never leave. Hehe
Our time apart is something that I have to learn to deal with. He's extremely busy at work and has some things going on with his kids which are taking up most of his free time during the week. That means that the weekends his kids are with the ex are our only guaranteed time together, otherwise it's few and far between. Conversations are limited, he works stressful hours and his evenings are spent with the boys doing homework and other things. If we get to talk in the evenings it's after the boys are in bed but most nights he's so exhausted he ends up falling asleep right after the kids go to bed. My kneejerk reaction is that if he truly cared about me he'd make the effort to be awake, he'd make the effort to talk more, blah blah. But that's the needy princess in me...not the mature, logical woman that I'm really trying to be. Haha Seriously, I find myself flipping out when we have limited contact for a day or so and then I torture myself until I hear from him again. Then all is well. We talked last night and I commented that we hadn't talked in a while. He was shocked that I'd say that and argued that we had in fact exchanged emails that day....that's when I realized it's all a matter of perception. He wants to spend time with me, he wants to talk to me, he wants to be with me....his time is just limited. When we exchange emails or text messages, he's content with that....it's contact. I want more. It's not a matter of not wanting to be with me or wanting me, just that he knows at this point he can't give more, he's being stretched thin. I need to learn not to pressure him, I need to be supportive. He has so much going on and I want to be there for him, I can't do anything to take away his stress or give him more time, but I can make sure not to add to that stress. I'm trying...I'm really trying. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have him in my life. He spoils me, I feel incredibly wanted and loved when we're together and I need to hold onto those feelings. The smile that comes across his face the moment our eyes meet, the way he growls when I kiss him (hehe), the way he tells me I look great even when I'm in jeans and a hockey jersey...all ways that make me feel wanted and loved. I know what I need to do...now if I can just do it without screwing this up. Pffft good luck, Drama!!
Since he's been spoiling me like crazy lately and doesn't let me pay for anything I told him that next Saturday I want to either take him out to dinner or make him dinner. His choice. He hasn't made a choice yet but I think I'm just going to suggest a nice romantic dinner at home, bottle of wine, maybe a movie here...just the two of us. We could use some major cuddle time on the couch. ::wink::wink::
So my goal for this week is to get my butt to the gym, eat well, and be patient when it comes to all matters of boys (JM) and the heart. Oh yeah, and plan an amazing romantic dinner for JM for next Saturday evening. Any suggestions on easy but elegant meal selections, feel free to send 'em my way!! Nothing too foofy...he's definitely a guy's guy.
Have a faboo Friday evening all!!
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