Is it Monday Yet?

Eh I'm so glad that the weekend is almost over. It's truly been a weekend of stress and frustration. I have a feeling this post may very well be a bit out of sorts and disjointed. I went to bed fairly late on Friday night to be woken up a mere 3 hours later by JD asking if I knew where his wallet was. Huh? Um nope, I don't use it so I would have no idea where it could be. In any case, at 5 am I wasn't able to go back to sleep because now we have the issue of where is JD's wallet. He evidently had it the night before as he went to get dinner and used his debit card to pay for it. After that it's anybody's guess what happened to it. He carries it in the front pocket of his coat along with his gloves and car keys...don't ask. I've given up trying to rationalize and understand his logic or lack thereof. In fact, Friday night he reached for his keys and his wallet spilled out of his pocket and into the middle of the street. I commented that it wasn't a smart place to carry it but evidently I have *no clue* what I'm talking about. So he tried to retrace his steps, almost 12 hours later to no avail. His wallet was purely and simply GONE. So we started Saturday morning with a phone call to work to let them know he wouldn't be in as no driver's license means he can't work since he drives for his job, then followed that up with phone calls to the banks to cancel cards, a trip to the DMV (on Saturday no less!!) to get a new license, and the police dept. to make a police report. By the time this was over I was so frustrated and upset, worrying about the possibilities and all the things that were lost. This just plays into the long list of ways that JD's irresponsibility and lack of maturity continue to frustrate me. When is enough just that...enough? How do I know whether to continue giving him a shot or cut my losses and walk before things get worse? It's just a very frustrating situation and I wish I could come up with the right answer. Right now, I've got nothing. In fact I found myself actually considering the possibility of staying with him and not pursuing a separation...feeling it was the easier way. But I don't know if that's what I really want. I just don't know. ::sigh::

I went to the gym to workout while JD went to the mall to pick up a new wallet. 40 minutes of cardio and my full upper body workout, my abs were really hurting from the heavy workout but I managed to get through it all. The workout really helped a great deal and helped me to burn off some of the stress and stop worrying and thinking about all the disastrous possibilities. We ended up going to a sporting event that we already had tickets for that evening, and stopped for dinner on the way. Nothing eventful, our team lost, just another low point in my day. LOL Once we got home I crashed out while putting Bug to bed and woke up after 2am to go to bed myself.

Last night I got a couple text messages from Cali while we were on the way to the sporting event. Nothing major, the usual "Hi, I miss you" type stuff. I knew I wouldn't hear from him but I still held out hope. I did call him from the event to say hi but he wasn't available to talk.

This morning I actually slept in for a bit and then got up feeling miserable. I managed to make it to the gym for my cardio workout which was really good. JD had an event to go to with Bug so while they left to head there I showered and started dinner. JD is gone tonight at a meeting. This afternoon Cali texted me to say hi and ask how I was doing. Nothing earth shattering again but still nice to hear from him. We exchanged a handful of messages while I was making dinner but that was it. I had hoped to hear from him this evening but again I expected not to...so far my expectations are pretty much dead on. It's after 7 by him which is usually too late for him to be heading out for any reason on a Sunday. So I'm going on 2 days without any voice from Cali. I'm a bit antsy but for the most part doing much better than I have in past weekends. I really hate weekends. LOL

Providing things stay as is, a week from now I will be preparing for my trip to see Cali. I'm not feeling too optimistic as I have a feeling the health situation that is looming will definitely play a factor into the rescheduling of said trip. In either case, I'm prepared. I have been since the day he told me about the situation. I won't say I'm not frustrated but I'm also not really excited about the trip. I guess I should clarify that I'm not excited because of the fact that it may be canceled or postponed, not because I don't want to see Cali. I think about seeing him and being with him again EVERY SINGLE DAY. But I don't want to get my hopes up and then have them come crashing down...so I'm trying to protect myself. I don't know if it'll work but we shall see. I just know that I so badly want to be with him. To be in his arms, touching him, looking into his eyes, running my fingers through his hair, holding his hand. ::sigh:: I really miss him a lot. Seeing the news of that fire in California didn't help matters, considering he's not that far from the area in question. I have to assume that he's ok, as his text messages today were pretty benign and normal. Doesn't stop me from worrying about him, especially since he's always traveling in that area for work and such.

I decided to make chocolate chip cookies tonight. Oh stupid, stupid Drama. I've already had 3. So much for the great workouts this weekend, I'm blowing it all on hot chocolate chip cookies. Oh well...hopefully I can recover and see a loss this week anyway. Yeah right.

Alrighty, time for bed now. It's technically Monday now, YAY! Night night all.