Sunday Sunday...
I am so tired and wish I was home all by myself so I could just relax and not be *on call* for an almost 4 yr. old. This morning I had planned to go to the gym and walk but I didn't get up in enough time to do both before we had to leave. Since it was such a fabulous day outside, I opted to skip the gym and enjoy the gorgeous weather. I managed to walk 2.5 miles at the nearby lake. I felt pretty good even though I didn't get the entire workout I had wanted. Being out in the warm spring air with the beautiful scenery was worthwhile.
After my walk I got home and jumped in the shower. We had to drop Bug off at my in laws before we went to lunch and the movie. JD had made this grand plan to do at least a half dozen things while Bug was at my in laws, I on the other hand was quite content with the movie and lunch deal. Anyway, we dropped off Bug and then went to lunch. It was a really good lunch but the conversation/company was a bit strained. I felt so uncomfortable sitting across from JD at lunch, we literally had NOTHING to talk about. We hemmed and hawed a bit and talked about Bug and various non-issues. After lunch, we walked around to the movie theater. JD tried to hold my hand a couple times and I actually gave in thinking that maybe just maybe there would be a spark and it would feel right. Nope, it felt totally and completely uncomfortable and awkward. I really tried. I just simply felt nothing...nothing. I've been thinking a lot about our marriage and wondered if maybe I was being selfish wanting out. That maybe I hadn't given the marriage and him a fair shot, but I felt *nothing* sitting with him at lunch. I am trying to give it more effort, to try to rekindle something but I don't think there is anything left to rekindle. That makes me sad....
We got to the movie with a couple minutes to spare. The movie was hilarious and I thoroughly enjoyed it. At the end of the movie I glanced over to see JD crying. I was and still am baffled by why he was crying. It was a COMEDY with nothing sentimental or emotional about it. I didn't say anything, other than asking him if he was ok. Strange.
After the movie we walked through the outdoor mall for a bit and then returned to the car. I was tired and ready to go pick up Bug and go home. JD wanted to go to a bar or someplace for a while longer. I just didn't have it in me, I was just wiped out physically,mentally, and emotionally. We had a rather spirited *discussion* in the car and he ended up pouting the remaining trip to his parents house. Bleh. Picked up Bug and I went home as JD went to his meeting. He texted me three times and called me once on his way and said he wanted to talk to me. When I asked what he wanted to talk about he said he'd tell me later. AH whatever. I hope to be asleep when he gets in cuz quite honestly I have ZERO energy to have some big debate or discussion tonight.
As we arrived at his parents' house I exchanged a handful of text messages with Cali. I had sent him a text earlier in the day joking that my birthday is exactly 3 months away and I hope he's started shopping. He replied back that he knew it was 3 months away and he couldn't wait to celebrate with me. :D We exchanged our usual I miss you's and that was it. He said he'd try to call this evening if he can get away but I'm not going to expect it. I'll talk to him tomorrow if not tonight. I'm in a much better place emotionally as far as Cali is concerned, so that's definitely a good thing.
No contact from Stallion today, in fact I haven't heard from him or talked to him since Friday evening. Not a big shock knowing his personality. I'm curious to see if he's going to actually follow through with his promise to come here in a couple weeks. Only time will tell I suppose.
Tomorrow is thankfully a laid back day. Going to the gym, running to the post office, and deciding what to make for dinner. That's my day. Woohoo! I'm actually looking forward to having nothing to do. I need a day to decompress and chill out. By the end of the week Bug and I are going to have to start working on early to bed and early to rise so that we can prepare for the first week of my new job and his new daycare. I'm stressed about that but hoping to just relax for the first couple of days this week before starting to prepare.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
After my walk I got home and jumped in the shower. We had to drop Bug off at my in laws before we went to lunch and the movie. JD had made this grand plan to do at least a half dozen things while Bug was at my in laws, I on the other hand was quite content with the movie and lunch deal. Anyway, we dropped off Bug and then went to lunch. It was a really good lunch but the conversation/company was a bit strained. I felt so uncomfortable sitting across from JD at lunch, we literally had NOTHING to talk about. We hemmed and hawed a bit and talked about Bug and various non-issues. After lunch, we walked around to the movie theater. JD tried to hold my hand a couple times and I actually gave in thinking that maybe just maybe there would be a spark and it would feel right. Nope, it felt totally and completely uncomfortable and awkward. I really tried. I just simply felt nothing...nothing. I've been thinking a lot about our marriage and wondered if maybe I was being selfish wanting out. That maybe I hadn't given the marriage and him a fair shot, but I felt *nothing* sitting with him at lunch. I am trying to give it more effort, to try to rekindle something but I don't think there is anything left to rekindle. That makes me sad....
We got to the movie with a couple minutes to spare. The movie was hilarious and I thoroughly enjoyed it. At the end of the movie I glanced over to see JD crying. I was and still am baffled by why he was crying. It was a COMEDY with nothing sentimental or emotional about it. I didn't say anything, other than asking him if he was ok. Strange.
After the movie we walked through the outdoor mall for a bit and then returned to the car. I was tired and ready to go pick up Bug and go home. JD wanted to go to a bar or someplace for a while longer. I just didn't have it in me, I was just wiped out physically,mentally, and emotionally. We had a rather spirited *discussion* in the car and he ended up pouting the remaining trip to his parents house. Bleh. Picked up Bug and I went home as JD went to his meeting. He texted me three times and called me once on his way and said he wanted to talk to me. When I asked what he wanted to talk about he said he'd tell me later. AH whatever. I hope to be asleep when he gets in cuz quite honestly I have ZERO energy to have some big debate or discussion tonight.
As we arrived at his parents' house I exchanged a handful of text messages with Cali. I had sent him a text earlier in the day joking that my birthday is exactly 3 months away and I hope he's started shopping. He replied back that he knew it was 3 months away and he couldn't wait to celebrate with me. :D We exchanged our usual I miss you's and that was it. He said he'd try to call this evening if he can get away but I'm not going to expect it. I'll talk to him tomorrow if not tonight. I'm in a much better place emotionally as far as Cali is concerned, so that's definitely a good thing.
No contact from Stallion today, in fact I haven't heard from him or talked to him since Friday evening. Not a big shock knowing his personality. I'm curious to see if he's going to actually follow through with his promise to come here in a couple weeks. Only time will tell I suppose.
Tomorrow is thankfully a laid back day. Going to the gym, running to the post office, and deciding what to make for dinner. That's my day. Woohoo! I'm actually looking forward to having nothing to do. I need a day to decompress and chill out. By the end of the week Bug and I are going to have to start working on early to bed and early to rise so that we can prepare for the first week of my new job and his new daycare. I'm stressed about that but hoping to just relax for the first couple of days this week before starting to prepare.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
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