Wiped out...
I am mentally and emotionally wiped out. As I mentioned in my response to Fiona's comment, I haven't heard from Cali today. Not even a single text message. I know work is crazy busy but I am surprised that he could still possibly be at the office. I just tried for what feels like the millionth time and I've gotten NO response. He's not answering his phone and he hasn't returned any of my calls. If he's still at the office, chances are he's totally alone which would not make it impossible for him to answer his phone. I totally get that he can't/won't answer his cell when he's IN the office due to others nearby as well as his work obligations...I can understand that. But at this time of night he's most probably the only one there. This totally sucks. I struggle with the fact that I want to be understanding and not pressure him for too much BUT I do have some needs. Is it too much to ask him to just text or call me to let me know he's ok? Am I being too demanding? I feel like I'm coming unglued and it is a feeling I haven't dealt with in a while. I used to feel like this a lot during the earlier parts of our relationship but then we settled into a decent routine and he seemed to get that I didn't want all kinds of things from him, just to know he's ok. This makes me feel like maybe he's trying to walk away from me/us. I don't know....I just don't know. I can't sleep so trying to go to bed now is pretty much a waste of time. I just wish he'd call or text to let me know he's ok. That's all I want right now...well at least I'll settle for it at this point. ::sigh::
8 comments:
Drama, I hope that by the time you read this, you've heard from Cali.
Honey, maybe back off just a tad right now. If he's not answering there's a reason, even if it is him trying to sort out things and he could do without a bunch of texts or calls or whatever. Cut him just a little slack. In a day, a gentle email asking that you speak.
And when you do, it's important that he understands your needs, your insecurities...and that you, yourself, generate them. But that he, himself, can put them to rest.
You know I've been in EXACTLY this situation but luckily my guy understood it...we're not perfect, he knows I have fears, that sometimes I need more than he gives and I have permission to tell him when that happens.
So I do...I just say....I need just a little more, I need to hear from you/talk to you before x time at night otherwise I'm in bed. And I'd appreciate just a text before you go to bed.
We now have that between us and although sometimes I wait and wait (yes I do that sometimes) I don't even jest about other relationships. I just say gosh how wonderful to hear your voice and we talk of our days.
I so have been where you are hon. We've moved passed it after a bit of a struggle, I hope you do too.
Love can be oh so hard. Hang in there sweetheart.
Been where you are and it sucks.
First Breathe...
Remember one casualty of a long distance is you have no clue what they truly do all day. You don't have the privilege to just call up his office. You also don't know what his day has been like, maybe family emergencies. Maybe just a rough day. He is obviously stressed out and he might have just been wiped out and didnt have the energy to talk.
You need to let him breathe and work out what is going on. If you lived with him, him retreating into the den wouldnt cause you immense anxiety. But the type of relationship you have doesnt give you that. So just be there for him, don't be another stress in his life. Stop apologizing to him. Send him a text so he knows you are there but don't text and call all day long.
I know its hard, but you can do it.
I've been there too, Drama. Very recently in fact. This week has been very hard because it has been difficult to communicate with BJ given all the changes in my living situation. It led to a few misunderstandings and a bit of hurt feelings, but finally today we got a chance to really talk. We were both able to get our bearings back, and things are good now. I bet this same thing will happen for you too. Hang in there.
Ah Fiona, always the voice of experience and reason! As always, thank you.
I did hear from Cali first thing this morning. He was totally and completely ok and didn't even so much as blink at the fact that I basically had a melt down via text and voice mail messages yesterday. I did apologize for Wed. night's comments which he quickly dismissed and told me not to worry....that HE was sorry for snapping at me just because he was tired and stressed out.
As for yesterday, he was in the new client meeting all day and when he left their office he decided to go home to relax a bit. He was so exhausted because of the long hours of late, he ended up falling asleep and slept all the way until this morning. He ended up forgetting to turn off his phone since he fell asleep. Thus explains why his phone was still *on* but he wasn't responding to messages of any kind. He apologized for not letting me know what was going on but I told him there was no apology needed...I could understand why he didn't contact me.
I teased him that I thought he was a glutton for punishment for being so willing to put up with me despite my paranoia and tendency to panic at the drop of a hat. He told me that I was worth it. ::swoon::
So all is well. I really need to take a step back and chill out...now if I can just take my own advice!!
Thanks again Fiona...I'm so glad to know you.
Drama
Thanks FL...yeah it does suck. Things are better now that we finally talked...I just need to keep my overactive imagination at bay.
Neenee - You hit the nail on the head. I don't know what he's doing all day or what's going on in his life, short of what he tells me. I do have some idea about his work day since I've been with him when he's working but it does change quite often for him.
Up until now I've been fine about not texting/messaging continuously. In fact up until yesterday I haven't called his cell or texted him unless he's contacted me first in a very long time. I just felt that he'd call or contact me when he could talk. I think because of the way our last conversation ended, I was feeling out of sorts and it totally threw me off.
I'm just glad that he was as understanding...he simply amazes me with his huge heart and how laid back he is about things. I think I would have run in the other direction if *I* had to go through all those messages.
Thanks for stopping by and your insight. It's greatly appreciated.
Thank you, TS. Thankfully we had a chance to talk (twice in fact) and all is well. I just hope that I'll be able to maintain my common sense in the future!
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