Been a While...

I know it's been a while since I last posted...almost a month in fact! So much has been going on over here that I haven't had the time nor energy to post.

JD moved out the middle of June. It's been a welcome relief...I'm not feeling as stressed around the house, however he takes every opportunity possible to argue or engage me in some discussion/interaction. I keep my cell phone on at all times, especially when he has Bug in case something happens. That means when he calls I automatically answer, again under the assumption he's calling about something to do with Bug. He's taken that knowledge as an opportunity to call whenever and about whatever he wants, most times having NOTHING to do with Bug. I finally had enough and told him that I need my space. He needs to back off or else I am going to walk. This separation isn't a separation when we speak every single day just to *chat*. I feel like I can't breathe.

Things with Cali are in limbo. Our contact has been lacking drastically due to his work schedule. That also means that he never managed to make it out here for my birthday. A variety of reasons prevented it, some that I'm not 100% sure were valid...but I'm so tired of debating and trying to figure out what is truth and what is not with him. I still have very strong feelings for him but I've learned that I cannot rely on him which makes me sad. My birthday was over a week ago and he didn't call me, text me, send a card,....nothing. I was so hurt and angry and didn't hear from him until TWO days later. He acted like it wasn't a big deal because after all he was busy but good grief, it only takes a couple seconds to send a text message. I think that was the eye opening moment when I realized that the fantasy/dream I had built or imagined was coming crashing down. He still calls a couple times a week but I don't spend as much of my time waiting for him or thinking about it. I've let it go a bit which in some ways is refreshing but in others makes me sad to know that our relationship was never really what I thought it was. He on the other hand thinks that things are just as they were... I don't have the energy or desire to discuss it because I know it'll never go anywhere. He's still maintaining that he's making the trip out here and has actually asked me "not to give up" on him. Whatever, I've already given up on him on some levels.

Work is work...it gets a little easier every day. The *women* I work with spend their entire day whining and bitching about how much work they have to do. If they'd just shut up and work they wouldn't have so much to do! lol

With the knowledge that things with Cali are dying a slow death I did start dating. I met an awesome guy and we went out on a handful of dates. We totally hit it off, spent our first date closing down a restaurant talking. We found that we had so much in common...it was kind of scary...but we both felt the connection. We saw each other the next 3 weekends, spending lots of time in between on the phone - multiple times a day, things were incredible between us. As of today I haven't talked to him since Monday morning. I've left a bunch of messages and we did exchange one or two emails but otherwise things have died. I don't know what happened....I'm hoping that there's just been something going on that prevented him from getting in touch with me. However, my paranoid insecurity is screaming that he decided that he doesn't want to see me any longer. I don't know what to think and despite the fact that we only had a handful of dates, things were pretty intense and I felt like I was falling for him and he had made that comment as well.. How pathetic is that? So here I sit wondering what I did to drive him away. I'm so tired of men that can't handle a relationship or responsibility. It totally sucks. I think I'm going to just swear off men....life may be easier.