I'm done....finished...

I think I need to just swear off men. I can't get my own shit together enough to not make stupid mistakes and I feel like I'm on a damn roller coaster. I'm done, so done....it's obviously my issue(s) that keep messing things up and I just can't seem to learn. Just when I think I've gotten my *stuff* together and know where I am going and what I want I do something incredibly stupid and I'm left looking in the mirror asking myself WTF I just did. I guess I don't have as much control over my feelings and thoughts as I believe. I guess I don't really know what I want...I always think I do but then I sabotage it myself. Why? What is wrong with me? Do I really not think I deserve it? Why can't I just take a Goddamn breath and stop before I trash everything good in my life? I'm starting to think that even when I think I believe that I deserve better...deep in my heart and mind I don't and therefore I trash it before I have a chance. All of this is purely rhetorical and I guess stuff that I need to really think about myself and somewhere, someway come up with the answers. Or maybe there are no answers...maybe I'm just meant to be miserable. Does it ever end?

I'm done...