Slightly less than out of control

Things are a little more centered now....not completely and I'm still way left of center but I feel semi-human. Have an appointment to see my counselor this afternoon, I called her and she had a cancellation so I snagged it. After talking to E (good heavens I don't know what I'd do without that man!!) and him successfully talking me off the ledge I felt a little bit better. Shortly after that AC called me - finally. We talked for a bit and I was able to get some things out in the open, my feelings out on the table...he didn't hang up on me, he listened, we talked, it wasn't some big romantic reunion but it also wasn't a Fuck You I'm Done conversation either. He promised to call tomorrow and to think about us. So while I was convinced that we were over with and there was no recovery, it now looks like I have one fighting chance with him. He's still worried about the situation and the added stress that it could represent. He's apprehensive about the fact that I am still *only* separated. I have to find a way to show him that I want to be support for him and NOT stress. So for the time being, despite my desire to run off to his house and climb in his bed and never leave I am going to sit on my hands, not call, not email, not contact...it's going to kill me and if anyone is around and wants to chat to keep me from dialing that phone number, feel free. I can use all the help I can get. I already asked E to text, call, or email me hourly to keep me from doing it. LOL He said he'd help in whatever way he can.

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Update: I didn't get a chance to post this after I wrote it so I'll just add my update to it. Had a good meeting with my counselor. She helped me to open my eyes to the realities of this relationship and what I was doing. I was still a bit overly emotional when I left her office but I made it through it. I decided to call my dad who I haven't talked to in a long while....emotional and crying I dialed his number. He was cold, unemotional, and totally unsupportive. Thanks Dad...you haven't let me down. You've given me exactly what I always expect from you...NOTHING. Is it any wonder I have serious attachment issues with all my freakin' relationships? The only call I made to AC was a fun, light-hearted voice mail about a private little joke we've had between us. Nothing serious or heavy didn't say anything other than the joke and then hung up. I just hope it made him smile.

Came home and thankfully JD was willing to take Bug for the night. I just needed a night to not have any responsibilities and it wasn't fair to Bug to be here...he deserved a definite functioning parent and that was NOT me tonight. So I chilled out, watched TV, and ordered a pizza for myself. E texted me twice with, "DON'T CALL HIM!!"...LOL. I love that man...he never ceases to make me smile and be there for me. Who says that ex lovers can't be friends? Don't know what I'd do without E at this point.

Got a text message from Cali which I immediately laughed at....then deleted. He's amazingly delusional. Amazing...I can't even believe he truly believes the things he says anymore.

In any case, tonight was much better than anticipated. I didn't do a darn thing around the house but I did take care of MYSELF mentally and emotionally. I think I'll be ok. But then again...ask me tomorrow at lunch time...lol.

Off to bed now, sweet dreams Drama Queens.