Stuff
So I took a vacation day today. Had tickets for a show last night that ended up getting canceled...and decided to take today off since I had expected to get home pretty late from the show. Even though the show was canceled I still decided to take the vacation day. I am so glad I did. Was greeted by a morning wake up call from the new guy...probably should give him a name since I *think* he's going to be around for a while....I'll call him AC. So I hear my cell phone ring with *his* ringtone and it wakes me up immediately. He's got such a deep sexy voice and I love waking up to it. So I chat with AC for a little while and we hang up so that he can shower and I can get some breakfast with Bug. So Bug and I get dressed and head out for breakfast. We ran some errands to the dry cleaners, got my car washed, and then came home so that I could wash the windows and vacuum the interior of my car. Had an appointment with my counselor so I dropped Bug at the sitters and headed to my appt. Had a good session which wasn't terribly earth shattering but reaffirmed my thoughts and feelings up to this point. Made me realize that I'm not the crazy one and am actually quite rational and reasonable...imagine that!!! Picked up Bug after my appointment, grabbed lunch, and came home.
I've got laundry going and I need to jump in the shower. Tonight is my weight loss meeting and then I'm supposed to pick up AC at the airport. I haven't seen him since last week and I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm not sure what the hell I'is going to happen but I do know that I'm enjoying myself a great deal.
I haven't talked to JM since I saw him Labor Day weekend and I haven't heard from him other than a short email last week. I just don't know. I'm trying to be rational and patient and adult about the situation but is it too much to ask for more contact? Our relationship has been so disjointed and confusing and part of me feels that I don't have a right to ask for more....but part of me is craving so much more. Now that I met AC and see how two busy single parents with jobs and lives and commitments can keep in contact and spend time together I question things with JM. Is he unable to give more or is he just unwilling or without the desire to do so. I know that he's capable of giving more, we had more at the beginning. Not that I want to go back to that level of contact but good grief, there has to be a happy medium between talking every 5 minutes of every day and talking once every two weeks. I can't see myself actually asking him for more contact...I mean honestly how do you say to someone, "Please call me more often." Either he wants to talk to me and see me more often or he doesn't. I'm uncomfortable asking for that...it's like asking him to want me more....I can't make him desire that. He has to want it himself, on his own. I know exactly what will happen...he'll call or email later this week assuming that I have left Saturday free to see him, since that's the day he won't have his kids. Sadly, that would normally be what I would do...keep that evening free for him. This weekend will be different for a couple of reasons. I have a family gathering that I have to attend on Saturday and AC has already asked if he can take me out on Saturday after the family function. Maybe if I'm not *available* for him he'll realize...or maybe it'll be the end and he'll give up. I don't know. I do care about him and I do feel oh so comfortable with him but surprisingly I also feel that with AC. Not necessarily to the same degree but I was quite shocked at how easy things were between us. From the moment we met, we've just hit the ground running and our relationship has just progressed in such a short time. No weddings being planned here but it's eye opening to see that my feelings for JM aren't exclusive and that there is someone else out there that could potentially be a good fit. I'm not running in any one direction, necessarily, but waiting to exercise my options. I won't rush into anything ever again. It's really easy for me to do that and I have to be mindful of that tendency and hold myself back in some ways...but now that I am clearly aware of it I know that it'll be easier to do. I owe it to myself to be patient and aware and to think very clearly before making any decisions or choices.
Today while I was on the phone with AC, he was having lunch and the waiter said something to him. He was responding and mentioned me....calling me his girlfriend. I actually smiled when I heard it. It was cute and kind of sweet...how pathetic is that?
Just heard from AC, he's already boarded the plane and they're getting ready to take off. I better shower and get ready so that I can pick him up. Looking forward to seeing my AC.
More later.
I've got laundry going and I need to jump in the shower. Tonight is my weight loss meeting and then I'm supposed to pick up AC at the airport. I haven't seen him since last week and I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm not sure what the hell I'is going to happen but I do know that I'm enjoying myself a great deal.
I haven't talked to JM since I saw him Labor Day weekend and I haven't heard from him other than a short email last week. I just don't know. I'm trying to be rational and patient and adult about the situation but is it too much to ask for more contact? Our relationship has been so disjointed and confusing and part of me feels that I don't have a right to ask for more....but part of me is craving so much more. Now that I met AC and see how two busy single parents with jobs and lives and commitments can keep in contact and spend time together I question things with JM. Is he unable to give more or is he just unwilling or without the desire to do so. I know that he's capable of giving more, we had more at the beginning. Not that I want to go back to that level of contact but good grief, there has to be a happy medium between talking every 5 minutes of every day and talking once every two weeks. I can't see myself actually asking him for more contact...I mean honestly how do you say to someone, "Please call me more often." Either he wants to talk to me and see me more often or he doesn't. I'm uncomfortable asking for that...it's like asking him to want me more....I can't make him desire that. He has to want it himself, on his own. I know exactly what will happen...he'll call or email later this week assuming that I have left Saturday free to see him, since that's the day he won't have his kids. Sadly, that would normally be what I would do...keep that evening free for him. This weekend will be different for a couple of reasons. I have a family gathering that I have to attend on Saturday and AC has already asked if he can take me out on Saturday after the family function. Maybe if I'm not *available* for him he'll realize...or maybe it'll be the end and he'll give up. I don't know. I do care about him and I do feel oh so comfortable with him but surprisingly I also feel that with AC. Not necessarily to the same degree but I was quite shocked at how easy things were between us. From the moment we met, we've just hit the ground running and our relationship has just progressed in such a short time. No weddings being planned here but it's eye opening to see that my feelings for JM aren't exclusive and that there is someone else out there that could potentially be a good fit. I'm not running in any one direction, necessarily, but waiting to exercise my options. I won't rush into anything ever again. It's really easy for me to do that and I have to be mindful of that tendency and hold myself back in some ways...but now that I am clearly aware of it I know that it'll be easier to do. I owe it to myself to be patient and aware and to think very clearly before making any decisions or choices.
Today while I was on the phone with AC, he was having lunch and the waiter said something to him. He was responding and mentioned me....calling me his girlfriend. I actually smiled when I heard it. It was cute and kind of sweet...how pathetic is that?
Just heard from AC, he's already boarded the plane and they're getting ready to take off. I better shower and get ready so that I can pick him up. Looking forward to seeing my AC.
More later.
1 comment:
Thinking about ya! Best of luck with AC!
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