It's Over....

JM and I are over. After a number of weeks of infrequent and spotty contact I finally lost my patience. I called him last weekend and told him (via voice mail since I can't seem to get him to answer when I call) that I couldn't continue doing this. I told him that I felt like I was chasing him, that I needed him to make that effort and either tell me he wants me or let me go. On Sunday he sent me a text message and let me go. ::sigh:: He has some family issues to deal with and said that he can't remain in a relationship while trying to take care of these things. He said that his life has to take a back seat to the other issues and that I deserve more than he can offer me. I get that and understand it. I respect him for doing what he's doing, doesn't make it any easier and doesn't hurt any less. I have really good days and really bad days. Monday night was by far the worst...I crawled in bed and for some reason it triggered the fact that I would never share my bed with him again. I cried and cried and cried some more and then I called Matt. I got to bed rather late and went to work with puffy and bloodshot eyes. Lovely!

I have tried to contact him but he's not responding nor giving me a chance to discuss things. I asked to see him one last time, as a sense of closure...he won't even acknowledge my request. I think the ease at which he's been able to walk away from the situation hurts more than the actual breakup. Don't misunderstand, it does hurt to know we're over, but the fact that he appears to have so easily discarded the relationship hurts so much more.

So I'm *free* now I guess. How depressing. Of course, we had plans for Valentine's Day, I had purchased a special outfit for this coming weekend....an outfit I'll never wear...or at least not wear this year. Damn him...all these plans, all these thoughts and ideas we shared...all up in flames now. It's just not fair.

OH yeah, Happy Valentine's Day. Pffft