A Few Public Thank Yous..
I've been meaning to blog about this and I doubt I'll get this all done in one session, so I'll save it and come back later if necessary.
To LW: Thank you for teaching me so many things about myself...for being my first love...for being my first lover. You taught me that it's ok to ask for what you want and settle for nothing less. I'm sorry my insecurities and jealousies destroyed us so early on. We were oh so young...
To RJ: Thank you for being my soul mate, for showing me that there can be one person in the world that is capable of finishing your sentences, who knows you better than you know yourself. I'm just sorry that we were so young and immature. Who knows what would have happened if we had connected years later, sans spouses.
To Mac: Thank you for showing how I do NOT want to be treated. For treating me with such control and jealousy, it helped me learn that I deserve better.
To Beemer: Thank you for loving me. We literally grew up together, learned how to be a team, how to build a house/foundation together, we were good together. I'm sorry that we allowed outside forces to destroy our marriage...and that you were unwilling to try to repair it once the damage had begun. I never wanted to end our marriage...that's why I cried at our divorce proceedings, I wanted to scream, NO!! I don't agree with this!! But being young and stupid and naive I figured it was too late to turn back. I'll never know if we would have made it...I'm sad that we threw away 8 years over jealousies and insecurities. I'm sorry...
To JD: Thank you for forcing me to be a stronger person. I learned with you that I had allowed myself to settle for less...because I didn't think I was worth more. Thank you for being so incredibly unbending and unwilling to see anything but your own point of view. I can honestly walk away from this marriage knowing I tried. 7 counselors in 9 years of marriage...what more could I try? I have no regrets...I'll forever be grateful for the fact that our marriage brought me Bug.
To JM: Thank you for being such a lying, clueless prick. I can't believe that I once loved you. Well I loved the man I thought you were, not the man that I learned you really were. You told me things that you knew in your heart were a blatant lie but you knew that I wanted/needed to hear...so you said it. Thank you for forcing me to grow up, to become assertive, to learn that I was worth more than you could EVER give me. I always thought that if I was patient and loving, you would come around and realize that you were really in love with me. Talk about blind and naive. You were only in love with the chase...with the challenge...and with anyone who would sleep with you, for that moment. Thank you for opening my eyes to what defective man you really are.
To Vin: Thank you for being my escape. I made you into something you could never be...but you were also something that I needed at that time. I needed someone to show me I was worth something. You did for a short time. When you realized that this wasn't a game for me, you ran. You got scared and realized you couldn't handle this. It was ok though, the break happened gradually with us so I was able to recover and while I wholeheartedly regret our affair and would NEVER do it again....I do not regret the lessons I've learned. I'll never allow anyone to control my actions nor will I allow anyone to treat me with less than 100% honesty, trust, and respect.
To E: Thank you, thank you, thank you. How ironic that we started out at lovers and now we're the best of friends. Never in a million years would I have imagined back on that cold, December day when I met you on the 2nd floor of Macy's that almost 2 years later, I'd consider you one of my closest friends. Whoda thunk it, eh? As we've both said many times over, we have a rather strange but special relationship. You've taught me that I'm desireable, sexy even. You've taught me so much about myself and the opposite sex. You've been a sounding board and a tremendous source of support and friendship. Nobody will *ever* understand our relationship, besides us. Thank you.
To the various nameless and faceless dates/men I've encountered over my lifetime: Thank you for teaching what I DO NOT want in a partner or relationship. Thank you for allowing me to test the waters...learning about myself in the process.
To AC and JK: The two men I will always view as players. Both of you have the capability to make anyone your best friend or lover. You can turn on the charm and play up to ANYONE to suit your purposes. Thank you for the whirlwind romances that you sucked me into....they were amazing, wonderful, and pretty miserable all at once. I don't regret meeting you or dating you, I do regret who I became in order to be with you. I regret that to this day I second guess so many things about myself and about the person I am with. Lesson learned.
To Sailor and Blue Eyes: Thank you for testing my strength and resolve. You've made me proud of myself. You've pushed my limits to force me to grow and respect myself. You put me in positions that a year or more before I would have easily tolerated and accepted. I proved to myself that I deserve way more than what you were capable of offering. I'm proud of myself that I was able to walk away with my dignity and self respect intact. I just hope you both get your shit together before you destroy the lives of any innocent women.
Finally, to K: My man...and hopefully if the planets remain aligned, my forever man. Thank you for being you. For being so incredibly intuitive, emotionally connected, and mature...I'm forever amazed at our connection both mentally, emotionally, and physically *grin*. You've taught me that I am entitled to my feelings and anyone in my life must respect them and me. You've taught me that it's ok to talk about ANYTHING on your mind...in a strong, healthy relationship no topic is unacceptable. Thank you for the way you put your arms around me and engulf me in one of your teddy bear hugs. I just want to melt into you when you do that. Thank you for the way you look at me when you see me for the first time, the way you hold me and I can hear your sigh of relief that we're together again. My entire body trembles knowing you want me...in all ways...not just sexually. As you've said before, you are my shelter, my serenity, my love, my home. Thank you. I just hope that I can be all you need and want and we're able to build a future together. Our foundation thus far is KICK ASS... I'm madly in like with you, Baby.
Whew that was easier than I thought it'd be. =)
Time for bed. Nite, Nite Drama Queens!
To LW: Thank you for teaching me so many things about myself...for being my first love...for being my first lover. You taught me that it's ok to ask for what you want and settle for nothing less. I'm sorry my insecurities and jealousies destroyed us so early on. We were oh so young...
To RJ: Thank you for being my soul mate, for showing me that there can be one person in the world that is capable of finishing your sentences, who knows you better than you know yourself. I'm just sorry that we were so young and immature. Who knows what would have happened if we had connected years later, sans spouses.
To Mac: Thank you for showing how I do NOT want to be treated. For treating me with such control and jealousy, it helped me learn that I deserve better.
To Beemer: Thank you for loving me. We literally grew up together, learned how to be a team, how to build a house/foundation together, we were good together. I'm sorry that we allowed outside forces to destroy our marriage...and that you were unwilling to try to repair it once the damage had begun. I never wanted to end our marriage...that's why I cried at our divorce proceedings, I wanted to scream, NO!! I don't agree with this!! But being young and stupid and naive I figured it was too late to turn back. I'll never know if we would have made it...I'm sad that we threw away 8 years over jealousies and insecurities. I'm sorry...
To JD: Thank you for forcing me to be a stronger person. I learned with you that I had allowed myself to settle for less...because I didn't think I was worth more. Thank you for being so incredibly unbending and unwilling to see anything but your own point of view. I can honestly walk away from this marriage knowing I tried. 7 counselors in 9 years of marriage...what more could I try? I have no regrets...I'll forever be grateful for the fact that our marriage brought me Bug.
To JM: Thank you for being such a lying, clueless prick. I can't believe that I once loved you. Well I loved the man I thought you were, not the man that I learned you really were. You told me things that you knew in your heart were a blatant lie but you knew that I wanted/needed to hear...so you said it. Thank you for forcing me to grow up, to become assertive, to learn that I was worth more than you could EVER give me. I always thought that if I was patient and loving, you would come around and realize that you were really in love with me. Talk about blind and naive. You were only in love with the chase...with the challenge...and with anyone who would sleep with you, for that moment. Thank you for opening my eyes to what defective man you really are.
To Vin: Thank you for being my escape. I made you into something you could never be...but you were also something that I needed at that time. I needed someone to show me I was worth something. You did for a short time. When you realized that this wasn't a game for me, you ran. You got scared and realized you couldn't handle this. It was ok though, the break happened gradually with us so I was able to recover and while I wholeheartedly regret our affair and would NEVER do it again....I do not regret the lessons I've learned. I'll never allow anyone to control my actions nor will I allow anyone to treat me with less than 100% honesty, trust, and respect.
To E: Thank you, thank you, thank you. How ironic that we started out at lovers and now we're the best of friends. Never in a million years would I have imagined back on that cold, December day when I met you on the 2nd floor of Macy's that almost 2 years later, I'd consider you one of my closest friends. Whoda thunk it, eh? As we've both said many times over, we have a rather strange but special relationship. You've taught me that I'm desireable, sexy even. You've taught me so much about myself and the opposite sex. You've been a sounding board and a tremendous source of support and friendship. Nobody will *ever* understand our relationship, besides us. Thank you.
To the various nameless and faceless dates/men I've encountered over my lifetime: Thank you for teaching what I DO NOT want in a partner or relationship. Thank you for allowing me to test the waters...learning about myself in the process.
To AC and JK: The two men I will always view as players. Both of you have the capability to make anyone your best friend or lover. You can turn on the charm and play up to ANYONE to suit your purposes. Thank you for the whirlwind romances that you sucked me into....they were amazing, wonderful, and pretty miserable all at once. I don't regret meeting you or dating you, I do regret who I became in order to be with you. I regret that to this day I second guess so many things about myself and about the person I am with. Lesson learned.
To Sailor and Blue Eyes: Thank you for testing my strength and resolve. You've made me proud of myself. You've pushed my limits to force me to grow and respect myself. You put me in positions that a year or more before I would have easily tolerated and accepted. I proved to myself that I deserve way more than what you were capable of offering. I'm proud of myself that I was able to walk away with my dignity and self respect intact. I just hope you both get your shit together before you destroy the lives of any innocent women.
Finally, to K: My man...and hopefully if the planets remain aligned, my forever man. Thank you for being you. For being so incredibly intuitive, emotionally connected, and mature...I'm forever amazed at our connection both mentally, emotionally, and physically *grin*. You've taught me that I am entitled to my feelings and anyone in my life must respect them and me. You've taught me that it's ok to talk about ANYTHING on your mind...in a strong, healthy relationship no topic is unacceptable. Thank you for the way you put your arms around me and engulf me in one of your teddy bear hugs. I just want to melt into you when you do that. Thank you for the way you look at me when you see me for the first time, the way you hold me and I can hear your sigh of relief that we're together again. My entire body trembles knowing you want me...in all ways...not just sexually. As you've said before, you are my shelter, my serenity, my love, my home. Thank you. I just hope that I can be all you need and want and we're able to build a future together. Our foundation thus far is KICK ASS... I'm madly in like with you, Baby.
Whew that was easier than I thought it'd be. =)
Time for bed. Nite, Nite Drama Queens!
2 comments:
Well in your own words, this was a kick ass post too. Reminds me of a song someone did... ;)
But seriously, it made me think about how to treat and not treat a woman. Not that I'd have that problem personally, but there is alot to take away from this post Drama.
Wishing you two the very best!
A long road to have travelled, Drama, but with what seems to be a great final destination. I wish you all the happiness you deserve and K really does sound like the journey has been worthwhile.
May he be your forever man, indeed.
Hugs
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