It's Raining Men!!

Whew, what a day....scratch that, what a weekend! Somehow, someway I've connected with or reconnected with no less than 5 guys in the last 3 days. Heh One I met online over a year ago and we've chatted on and off throughout that time but never met. We toyed around with the possibility of meeting but never pursued it. Either he was in a relationship or I was. Out of the blue we started chatting this weekend and now we're talking about going out this coming weekend. Another guy I met online and we had actually made plans to go out. He ended up canceling, saying it wasn't the right time for him to pursue a relationship. I took that as a polite way of saying he wasn't interested and dropped it. Today he sent me a message. We began talking and he explained that he had lost his job and ran into some family crisis that prevented him from beginning a relationship. Job situation and family crisis are taken care of. He joked that he was wondering if I'd be willing to "review his resume" and consider him for the position again...lol We talked a bit and we're now making plans to get together again.

There are three other guys that I've been in contact with that I'm considering the possibility of seeing. I didn't go out looking for any of these guys, we met through various communities online that I participate in. When K and I separated last month, I had decided not to set up any dating profiles. I told him that I had no desire to go out searching for a *replacement*. I figured I'd focus on my life and if something/someone presented itself during that time, I'd consider it a bonus. We'll see where it all goes but for now I'm enjoying the chance to get to know them. Each one if different, a couple are younger and a couple older than I am. I don't have a solid preference one way or another as to the age deal, I was always opposed to dating younger because JD was younger but now I'm not 100% sure.

It's fun but a bit overwhelming to be back in the "dating pool". While I don't think I'm actively out there, I'm not in the search mode, I guess I've sort of been thrusted out there. I remember a time last year when I had a profile on one of the dating sites and I was easily juggling 3-4 guys at one time. By juggling I mean talking to them and considering the possibility of meeting/dating them. I guess I was into the *game* then because I could do it without feeling overwhelmed. Now I'm having a tough time remembering who I talked to about what and where bachelor *A* lives as opposed to bachelor *D*. Yikes, I think I need a spreadsheet. Hehe

So that's what *I* have been doing. Nothing much else of note. K and I have had a couple of email exchanges over the past week or so. All very innocuous but I feel this underlying current that he's still wanting some connection. He's not completely letting go and I feel as if the thought that I may move on and be with someone else bothers him but he knows he can't say anything. If he can't give me what I want/need then he can't complain. It's as simple as that. I do miss him, so many songs and places trigger memories of him and I feel a sort of empty pit in my stomach. The feelings pass quicker now and the tears aren't there anymore, I have to consciously make myself stop thinking about him because otherwise I'll drive myself crazy. It's very easy to get into the, "What is he doing? Is he with someone else?" mode. I used to know his schedule, what days he had his kids, when he played pool, etc. I've made an effort not to remember that any longer. If I really wanted to, I could recreate his schedule in a heartbeat but I refuse to allow myself to do that. It'll gain me NOTHING.

My friends ROCK. Yes, I know I've said it many times before but I am so incredibly blessed. Little did I know back on January 25, 2008 when I made the trip to a nearby bar to join a divorce group, that I'd be meeting some of my bestest and closest friends. That night was the beginning of an amazing time, I've grown a great deal in myself and in my divorce. I've learned what real honest, true friendship is and I've experienced it every single day of my life since then. That evening I met my best friend, C, and then the following month I met my other best friend, T. We've been virtually inseparable since, exchanging at the very least email or text messages on a daily basis. I know I can call on them at any time for support, advice, laughter, or an ear to bend. I'm extremely lucky.