Stupid is as stupid does...
Yes that's exactly what *I* am...STUPID. After tolerating his indecision for almost 6 months, after loving him and giving 110% of myself, after investing time AND money ::sigh:: in him and the relationship I have now learned that the entire 6 months was a joke...a game....a farce. Yesterday I found out that K has created a profile on a dating site. THE dating site that we met on. Nice, huh? So after spending Christmas Day at my place, looking me in the eye and telling me that he isn't in a place to date or be with *anyone* but if he was we'd be together still, promising me that when he was in a better place to be a boyfriend and to date that I'd be the only person he called, after accepting the gifts I bought for him AND his children, he walked out of my house, waved goodbye and hit the ground running by starting a new profile on a dating site. He KNEW the chances of me finding it were damn good because he made all his photos PRIVATE on the site and his profile is rather vague. But it's him, I know it is. All of this is made that much richer by the fact that he actually confronted me when he thought I had "hooked up" with someone and was taking a vacation with them, shortly after we ended things. What a useless piece of shit he is. I am not hurt or sad, I'm ANGRY. Angry at myself for allowing him to suck me in, allowing him to take advantage of me, allowing myself to blindly give to him without question or hesitation. What an ass I have been. I even called him to confront him and like the spineless, coward of a little boy he is, he HUNG UP on me. Isn't that the best? He's the one jerking me around and he hangs up on me and says that he's not going to put up with "my shit". Heh He hasn't even seen the beginning of 'my shit'.
I'm better today, still angry but at least today I can focus and see straight. I see things a bit more clearly today, the fact that he truly wasn't all that great, that he invested very little into the relationship, I overlooked A LOT Of his shortcomings, I put up with a LOT from him and for that I'm disgusted with myself. What the hell was I thinking? As I go back I realize that the first month was amazing..HE was amazing. Then it fell apart and he stopped trying, he just coasted and I busted my ass making it all better. I jumped through hoops and tried to be the perfect girlfriend...I was walking on eggshells. All because HE DID NOT CARE ANYMORE....but he allowed it all to go on. What a fool I was. Well lessons learned, that's for sure. I left him a text message that he owes me an explanation but I think he's too much of a coward. He expected me to explain what was going on in my life but I am obviously not afforded the same luxury. Fucktard.
I'm heading out to grocery shop and get some things taken care of here at home. I need to focus on me and my future. He's the past...and I plan to make sure he stays there.
6 comments:
Really sorry to read about how bad things turned out for you with K. I was hoping that he wasn't going to do that sh*t to you but it looked like his mind games were heading in that direction. Well at least you didn't invest a lot of time on him and have to endure a long drawn out "Chinese water torture" time, hoping and praying that he'd eventually come around. Now you can definitely put closure to this clown and hopefully move on to meeting a better more deserving guy. I'm routing on you to pick yourself up and do just that!
Oh, Drama, I'm so sorry. I really am. But I can really sympathize with a lot of what you are saying here. Don't beat yourself up, just take the lessons that you have learned and grow. Make your next relationship better. And be glad that it ended now instead of going on longer. You could have put in 2 years of extra work like I did...
Hugs...
It's a horrible thing to feel that you've been duped....all you did hon was trust and believe. I'm so sorry this has happened, you don't deserve it.
Thanks for the wonderful comments, everyone. You have me in tears with your kind words. It really means a great deal to me. We exchanged text messages tonight and he first said that because I called him a coward he felt I didn't *deserve* an explanation and that I should stop calling. I told him that I damn well did deserve an explanation and I'd continue to contact him in whatever way I could until he afforded me that bit of respect. After all the shit I tolerated, it was the LEAST he could give me. He said that he shouldn't have made that promise because he has moved on and I should too. WHAT??? He's in Michigan on a ski trip (that his Mommy no doubt paid for) and will call me when he returns tomorrow night. I'm over him and I don't want him back but I need closure. I need an explanation and I need the opportunity to tell him exactly what he's done and how I feel. Then I'm washing my hands of him.
I'll call you.
Hugs.
Oh Drama, I'm sorry! What a jerk! That feeling of finding out you've been lied to and fooled is the worst! I've been there and it hurts. Don't beat yourself up over it. None of it's your fault!
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