I'm Alive

First of all I want to thank Fuse and Trueself for their support and good thoughts. The last week has been pretty exhausting emotionally and mentally. The Man and I had a bit of a setback last weekend. I don't really have the energy or desire to rehash everything that happened, suffice it to say that there was a period of time that I was convinced that we were over. I was D E V A S T A T E D to put it mildly. I couldn't focus or function on much of anything. Add to that the fact that the Exhole is now threatening to take me to court and hasn't come out and said it directly but he's alluding that he wants to fight me for custody of Bug. OH HELL NO!! Those two events just happened to explode at just the same time which made for a very difficult week. I ended up home from work one day to regroup and try to get through the drama. Itwas an ugly, ugly week...one that I'd prefer to never replay again.

A week later, The Man and I are good. While the entire episode was painful on both sides, it opened up a lot of dialogue, it brought some really positive soul searching for both of us and we've come out of the darkness stronger and still together. I love him and he loves me...of that I am positive. We're cautious and some of the jumping in without looking has been replaced with looking before we leap type actions. That's not to say that we're holding back, just that we're keeping a clear head about things and going about this smartly. As my best friend has said, we grew close and strong very quickly and in many cases that can be a recipe for disaster. In our case, it almost was...but we managed to discuss and reevaluate. We're doing well...we're looking to the future TOGETHER but no longer at Mach speed. I'm lucky to have him and I think he feels the same way about me. Heh

As far as Exhole is concerned, his accusations are unfounded and after consulting with an attorney I've learned that he has no grounds for his threats. I have learned from others that he's tried to drag them into the argument and/or get their support. I've been warned by some that he's imbalanced and they're concerned about his behavior. I never viewed him as a threat but I am treading lightly now. I was supposed to meet with him to discuss some of the issues but now have decided that I'd prefer to bring them up in the presence of another neutral party. I've contacted our mediator and she has agreed to facilitate the meeting so that we can hopefully settle it and move on with minimal damage. He's attempting to drag Bug into the fray, into things that are not to be the concern of a young child. Not cool. So we'll see what happens. I've learned that he's sneaky and conniving, proof that you never really know someone even when you're married to him. It's kind of sad. We'll see how it all plays out. If you could keep Bug and me in your good thoughts, I'd appreciate it. I'm an adult and can rationalize and handle his crap, Bug can't...that's my biggest concern.

Other than that, life is as it is. Still slowly getting settled in the new place. I'm liking it more and more each day. It's now starting to feel like home...MY home.

Time to get Bug to bed, thanks again for the good thoughts and support. Means a lot to me.