Missing you

Dear T,

I miss the way you used to insist upon our coming back together, that I stop and give you a hug and kiss before doing anything else and vice versa.

I miss the way you used to call me every morning to wake me up with a "Good Morning, Baby".

I miss the way you gave everything you had to be there for me and for Bug when we needed you.

I miss glancing at my keyring and seeing your house keys and car keys on the ring along with the handcuff keychain.

I miss family game night with me, you, and Bug playing Life, Battleship or Sorry Slider.

I miss the marathon shopping trips, hours upon hours looking at furniture and household items dreaming of the house *we* would own someday.

I miss the way you would look at me and through me with those green eyes of yours.

I miss the times that you would shush me mid-sentence so that I could listen to a song that you said reminded you of us or me.

I miss the weekly countdown on my calendar signifying how many more weeks until we could live under the same roof.

I miss being at your place while you were at work and counting the hours until you'd be home for lunch or the end of the day.

I miss seeing you curled up in my bed sleeping as I left to go to work and knowing you'd be meeting me for lunch in a few hours.

I miss how Bug would light up knowing you were here or that you were on your way and we'd be seeing you soon.

I miss so many things about you and US.

The flipside is:

I don't miss the way you changed at the end of our relationship.

I don't miss the distance that you created between us and then insisted it was merely fatigue and stress of the job.

I don't miss the cold icy stare from your green eyes that I was met with when you announced that you no longer loved me.

I don't miss the way you were able to shut down so easily.

I don't miss the way you made me feel like I had made a tremendous mistake by letting you in my life and most importantly Bug's life.

I don't miss the feelings of inadequacy, that somehow I wasn't good enough.

I don't miss how you dismissed me, telling me that I didn't need to know why you were ending the relationship.

I don't miss the man you became....I miss the man you were. Or maybe you never were that man and you just showed me the real you in time? In either case, I miss what we had or at least what I thought we had. I don't miss what we ended up with.

Good bye, T.