RJ
Just a couple things floating around on my mind...one of which I feel like sharing now. Back in this post, I had mentioned RJ. RJ was the 2nd guy I ever dated in my life, he was the 2nd man I was ever intimate with, he was the first man I ever agreed to marry....I was 17, he was 19. We met in high school, he was dating my best friend. He and I hit it off right away but...he...was...dating...my...best...friend! So we remained friends, we completed each other's sentences, we read each other's minds. Until my best friend broke his heart. He was in the service at the time and stationed across the country. He came home to surprise her (ha) but he was the one who was surprised. When he walked into her home and found her in bed with one of his friends. They broke up and since he and I had remained friends, we continued to keep in touch. One thing led to another and since he was no longer with her, our friendship blossomed into romance. We were madly in love...well as madly in love as you can be at 17 and 19. He was still stationed across country and would drive home (10+ hours one way) EVERY weekend to see me.
On one of the weekends home, he got down on one knee and with diamond ring in hand, he proposed. I of course, said yes...I was in love and so was he. Then reality struck. He got his next orders, to go overseas. I was terrified. What if I couldn't go with him? I'd be stuck here in the states and my new husband would be at the other end of the world. Worse yet, what if I did go with him? I'd be at opposite ends of the world from my family. I was so scared. A month later, I broke it off and broke his heart. I wanted to remain friends...we tried. We corresponded while he was overseas and I think we both wanted to try again...but we were so young and clueless. He was still hurting and I was still scared. He returned home a couple years later...we met for lunch. We just sat across the table from each other, neither of us knew what to say or how to say it. So we finished our lunch, hugged, and disappeared out of each other's lives.
That was 1987. I never stopped thinking about him, wondering where he was, how he was. As soon as the internet became a staple, I googled him regularly. I found bits and pieces of his family but I never once had the guts to contact them to see what he was up to. I found him listed in the phone book, he had moved to a western town about an hours drive away. But I was paralyzed with fear. In the meantime, I got married, divorced, remarried, had Bug...all the time wondering where he was and if he was thinking about me.
Fast forward to the fall of 2006. I get an email through one of those high school reunion sites. He had found me on the site and wanted to get in touch with me. The email had his email address listed. I emailed him right away!! We began talking first via email and then phone and text. He was married, had been for almost 20 years, he had two boys - almost grown. We exchanged photos, tidbits about our lives, etc. It felt like no time had lapsed, we fell back into that comfortable rapport that we'd always had. But it was a tiny bit different. We flirted, we chatted, we talked about meeting for lunch. Then one day....he disappeared. He wouldn't return calls, emails, texts...nothing. For all intent and purpose, he was GONE. I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong and since he wouldn't respond, I wasn't about to find out. At this point, my marriage to JD was falling apart quickly. We separated a few months later and the divorce proceedings start.
Fast forward to this past summer (2008). I happen to be on a social networking site and for shits and giggles I put his name in to do a search. Imagine my surprise when his profile appears! He's now divorced, still living within an hour of me...I decided to send him an email through the site. I figured it was worth a shot, if he didn't want to contact me so be it but I had to try. Within 15 minutes I got a response back. We exchanged one or two more emails and then I gave him my phone number. Told him to give me a call if he ever wanted to talk. Literally 3 minutes later, my phone rings!! We talked for almost 2 hours on the phone. Talking about the end of his marriage, his kids, the end of my marriage, my child, etc. He explained that he had disappeared back in 2006 because he could sense our feelings becoming more serious and he didn't want to be the cause of problems in my marriage. At that point he wasn't aware that JD and I were already falling apart and it would have had nothing to do with him. Since then we've talked almost daily, sometimes more than once a day.
Last week, for the first time in over 20 years, we met. He hasn't changed a lot, a bit older and weathered from life (his marriage was extremely stressful) but the same old RJ. The attraction is still there. The flirtation and candid conversation is still there. The unspoken understanding...he knows me and I know him...is still there. I'm not sure where it's going...it feels so good to have my old friend back in my life. If we progress to nothing more than what we already are...that's fine with me. Anyone would be damned lucky to have RJ as a friend. If we become more, that's totally fine as well. Thinking about him makes me smile...always has.
I thought it was really ironic that neither of us forgot about the other. That after all these years we both think about our past and what we had. To this day he maintains that I broke his heart and scarred him for life. Hehe I'm not so sure about that but he loves being able to say it. I always hear stories about people who fall in love and then lose touch but never stop thinking about the other..never imagined I'd be living that story! I'll be interested in seeing if this story has a happy ending.
On one of the weekends home, he got down on one knee and with diamond ring in hand, he proposed. I of course, said yes...I was in love and so was he. Then reality struck. He got his next orders, to go overseas. I was terrified. What if I couldn't go with him? I'd be stuck here in the states and my new husband would be at the other end of the world. Worse yet, what if I did go with him? I'd be at opposite ends of the world from my family. I was so scared. A month later, I broke it off and broke his heart. I wanted to remain friends...we tried. We corresponded while he was overseas and I think we both wanted to try again...but we were so young and clueless. He was still hurting and I was still scared. He returned home a couple years later...we met for lunch. We just sat across the table from each other, neither of us knew what to say or how to say it. So we finished our lunch, hugged, and disappeared out of each other's lives.
That was 1987. I never stopped thinking about him, wondering where he was, how he was. As soon as the internet became a staple, I googled him regularly. I found bits and pieces of his family but I never once had the guts to contact them to see what he was up to. I found him listed in the phone book, he had moved to a western town about an hours drive away. But I was paralyzed with fear. In the meantime, I got married, divorced, remarried, had Bug...all the time wondering where he was and if he was thinking about me.
Fast forward to the fall of 2006. I get an email through one of those high school reunion sites. He had found me on the site and wanted to get in touch with me. The email had his email address listed. I emailed him right away!! We began talking first via email and then phone and text. He was married, had been for almost 20 years, he had two boys - almost grown. We exchanged photos, tidbits about our lives, etc. It felt like no time had lapsed, we fell back into that comfortable rapport that we'd always had. But it was a tiny bit different. We flirted, we chatted, we talked about meeting for lunch. Then one day....he disappeared. He wouldn't return calls, emails, texts...nothing. For all intent and purpose, he was GONE. I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong and since he wouldn't respond, I wasn't about to find out. At this point, my marriage to JD was falling apart quickly. We separated a few months later and the divorce proceedings start.
Fast forward to this past summer (2008). I happen to be on a social networking site and for shits and giggles I put his name in to do a search. Imagine my surprise when his profile appears! He's now divorced, still living within an hour of me...I decided to send him an email through the site. I figured it was worth a shot, if he didn't want to contact me so be it but I had to try. Within 15 minutes I got a response back. We exchanged one or two more emails and then I gave him my phone number. Told him to give me a call if he ever wanted to talk. Literally 3 minutes later, my phone rings!! We talked for almost 2 hours on the phone. Talking about the end of his marriage, his kids, the end of my marriage, my child, etc. He explained that he had disappeared back in 2006 because he could sense our feelings becoming more serious and he didn't want to be the cause of problems in my marriage. At that point he wasn't aware that JD and I were already falling apart and it would have had nothing to do with him. Since then we've talked almost daily, sometimes more than once a day.
Last week, for the first time in over 20 years, we met. He hasn't changed a lot, a bit older and weathered from life (his marriage was extremely stressful) but the same old RJ. The attraction is still there. The flirtation and candid conversation is still there. The unspoken understanding...he knows me and I know him...is still there. I'm not sure where it's going...it feels so good to have my old friend back in my life. If we progress to nothing more than what we already are...that's fine with me. Anyone would be damned lucky to have RJ as a friend. If we become more, that's totally fine as well. Thinking about him makes me smile...always has.
I thought it was really ironic that neither of us forgot about the other. That after all these years we both think about our past and what we had. To this day he maintains that I broke his heart and scarred him for life. Hehe I'm not so sure about that but he loves being able to say it. I always hear stories about people who fall in love and then lose touch but never stop thinking about the other..never imagined I'd be living that story! I'll be interested in seeing if this story has a happy ending.
3 comments:
Who knows what might be in store, ay? ;)
Reading this made me smile Drama, because it reminded me of Oct 2, when you told me this story on our way to see Alanis. Good times.
You are a rocking chick you know that right? You deserve to find someone good for you, without the *ahem* drama...
Be well.
Fuse,
Yes I remember sharing this with you on the way to Alanis. Definitely good times. When you coming back into town? ;-)
*blush* Aww thank you for the compliment. =) I knew there was a reason we were friends. You have AMAZING taste. LOL
XOXO
Drama
There is something about those early loves, isn't there? I can honestly say that J still has a bit of a tug on my heart in spite of all that has kept us apart through the years, and in spite of my knowing from reconnecting that we aren't "meant to be." Still, there is something there.
Wait a minute. I just made this all about me, didn't I. *blush* Sorry.
Since I've given up on fairy tale endings for myself, can I hope for the fairy tale ending for you? Maybe RJ will be the one to provide that. Maybe not, but I'll still hope you get the "happily ever after" one of these days with the man of your dreams.
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